


Of Hearts and Sparks

by Phantom_Thief_1412



Series: Of Hearts and Sparks [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: more to be added - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantom_Thief_1412/pseuds/Phantom_Thief_1412
Summary: After escaping captivity and experimentation under Sector 7, Elize Hall thought she was normal. A revelation during the attack on Mission City proved her wrong. And as changes begin to occur in her body that only Primus could possibly understand, she finds herself walking a path she could never have imagined. At least she's not alone.
Relationships: Jazz/Prowl (background) - Relationship, Ratchet/Wheeljack (Background)
Series: Of Hearts and Sparks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123601
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	1. Fear of the Unknown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arabis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arabis/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is a pet project that I have created blending multiple Transformers universes and taking inspiration from BlackDragonQueen’s Cover Me, and arabis’s Signature series. I want to thank them both for giving me the inspiration to start writing again.

**Of Hearts and Sparks**

**Chapter One**

**Fear of the Unknown**

Elize Hall’s memories from before her escape were hazy at best and just impressions of fear, anger, and pain at worst. She could sometimes recall the dark room and the metal walls, the glass box she had been placed in at least once, and the searing pain that ripped through her body afterward. Her parents, her childhood, they were something that she didn’t wonder about or question, as far as she was concerned, they might as well have never existed at all.

Her escape wasn’t a hazy memory, but a chaotic one. Of fear and panic and running, where the images blended together in a rush of adrenaline that turned them from memory to a slurry of impressions that left her crying and vomiting when she woke up from the odd night terror that had plagued her for months, though there were fewer recently as the memories became less distinct and she was able to distance herself from the raw panic that infused them.

She adjusted. She calmed. She took up a hobby. (Martial arts was a totally acceptable hobby for a possibly traumatized amnesiac, right?) She wasn’t normal, but she had never thought of herself as normal anyway. So the first time that, in a blind panic outside a seedy bar while being attacked, she managed to throw her attacker several feet into a wall and knock him out cold she almost didn’t notice that it was strange. And if she did, she wrote it off as her panic fight or flight response kicking in.

When she managed to flat out jump a six foot fence while exploring with a friend she did notice there was something odd, but she couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it might have been. She was certainly different, but she didn’t look or feel like she was any different. So she took the time to gather herself again, she had put herself back together once after all, doing it a second time at least she knew where to start.

It was when she was in a city that was attacked by giant robots, when she saw them fighting around her, when one almost stepped on her during the fighting. It was when, in a desperate attempt to drive them away from her, her hand and forearm transformed into a blaster, not unlike the ones she had seen the robots themselves using, she realized that something had to be terribly wrong with her. She ran from that city, from that chaos, and didn’t look back.

Over the next several months, Elle traveled, experimenting with different parts of herself, trying to figure out how the strange phenomenon of her transformation worked. It didn’t hurt, per say, but it certainly wasn’t the most pleasant sensation she had ever experienced. Each time she transformed one part of herself though she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to fully be that other form. It was so much stronger and probably faster than her current form. So much… more.

When she finally went through with it, she was fascinated by what she could become. The other form was slightly taller, and clearly robotic, though to her chagrin the armor of the torso wasn’t hard or protective, but soft and malleable. Since the armor on her arms and legs was more solid, but still not anything that could be called useful, and she wondered if it was just something that changed with time.

The next thing she realized was that she could use this form as easily as her own, and began to change in the morning to run through her martial arts practice in not one, but both forms. IT helped her learn the differences between the two forms as far as the limitations each had. Her robotic form left something to desire in flexibility, but it gave her greater power overall, so she supposed she could deal with it.

She though, naively, that if she didn’t show anyone, if she just transformed in the privacy of her home, it would be enough. And when no one came to take her away to be used as some freak experiment, (And didn’t that idea trigger a panic attack for the ages. On that left her sick and shaking and unable to function for hours) she hoped what had happened in the city had gone unnoticed in the chaos. But of course, of course it hadn’t. It seemed that she only reason she had been left alone at all was because at the time the giant robots and their friends had bigger things to worry about.

When she saw the footage of the attack in Egypt, she could feel her chest constrict in near panic as she hoped, prayed, that she would be left alone and out of it all. The poor boy who had his image sent all over the world, from what she could see at least, had her sympathy, but couldn’t, wouldn’t, be part of what she was seeing. She refused, because she just wanted to be normal. As normal as she could be while being able to transform into a slightly larger robot form at any rate.

And one that was getting bigger at that. Minutely, but she could tell it was taller than the first time she had transformed. And the more she did transform, the more stable and heavier the armor became. Things were perfect. Perfect and peaceful and just what she wanted them to be. And as long as she kept that other side of her hidden they would stay that way, right?

Right?

So when she stepped out of her apartment complex one day to see a large black Top kick parked there, she didn’t even give it a second glance. Maybe one of her neighbors bought a new car? Or it could just be a visitor. She didn’t recognize either of the men in the cab, so they must be visitors. And as she made her way toward the bus stop, she let the car slip her mind.

But it was still there when she got back, and that left her even more confused. Maybe they were staying overnight? Yeah, that must be it. She shrugged and made her way back toward her apartment, deciding that the new car and the people in it were none of her business after all.

Except that when she arrived at her door, one of those very people was standing next to it, and she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, and she gripped her keys so tight in her hand she could feel them digging into her palm.

“Are you Elize Hall?” The tall, military looking man asked and Elize’s fist tightened. She felt sweat break out on her forehead as she took a step back from the man in reflex. It was a coincidence. He was looking for her for an innocent reason. He had to be.

“Depends on who’s asking,” she said, forcing her had to relax before the key tore through her palm and stepping forward again to unlock her door, deciding that she refused to be afraid of a guy that if she really wanted to she could force to leave.

The man watched her carefully before extending a hand, “Will Lennox,” he introduced, and she eyes him warily as she reached out to shake, “May I come in?” The request sent a chill up her spine and she swallowed, pressing her lips together as she thought about it a moment before deciding,

“I’m not a fan of having strangers in my home,” she responded, “If you need to talk to me we can do it out here.” She leaned her his against the door as she looked the man up and down again, “Military?” she asked, decently sure of what she had determined but wanting confirmation.

“Army,” he confirmed, watching her with just as much scrutiny as she had given him. She let him, knowing full well that there were no outward signs of her… peculiarity.  
  
“And what brings you here to speak with me?” she asked, “I don’t seem to remember signing up to be in the army.” Keep is casual. Like you don’t know why he is here. Like him being here is something that never should have happened. You are a normal girl. Just a normal girl. Maybe it Elle kept telling herself that she would eventually believe it.

The look he gave her was searching, and she met his gaze with an even stare, refusing to back down and she could almost feel his sigh as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, “You sure you want to talk about this out here?” he asked, handing her the paper and she froze.

She could distantly feel herself begin to tremble as she stared at the photo. And image of her in a crumbling city, far too close to the foot of a large robot that was lifting up in front of her. In some detached part of her mind she found herself admiring the shot. She looked angry and fierce, her hair frazzled from running and eyes bright with anger. But it was the other bit that made her open the door and usher the soldier inside.

She followed him in, her eyes locked on the image in her hand. The image where that same hand had taken the form of a metal cannon that looked for all the world like it had grown there as naturally as your please.

“What do you want,” she felt the snap in her voice but couldn’t bring it in herself to care that she was being rude. He eyes drifted up to meet his and she could feel the panic begin to bubble up inside her, and she squashed it down and slammed a bit of rage down to keep it there.

Lennox watched her calmly, her tone not even seeming to phase him, “Well, I was sent here to talk you into coming with me,” he said, “Since it seems you’re going to need someone who can help you take care of-” he cut himself off, gesturing toward the photo, and she clenched her teeth. No. This was not happening. She refused to let it be happening.

“No,” she said, shoving the photo at him, “I don’t even know where you got this but it’s clearly fake. I’m surprised the government would fall for such an obvious lie.” She could feel the panic trying to push its way past her rage. If it got free, she wouldn’t be able to say anything to this guy to convince him he was crazy.

He hummed, taking the photo and glancing at it, then at her as though thinking about what she’d said. His level look made something in her squirm, and the panic kicked up a notch. She took a deep breath as she tried to push it down again but his next words caught her off guard.

“They aren’t stupid you know. Those giant robots. They know. They can-” he paused, his expression thoughtful as he tried to find the right word, “Sense you.”  
  
Elle could feel her heart stutter to a stop for a moment, but she took a deep breath and fought the wave of blind terror back, “That’s a lie-”

“And,” he cut her off mid sentence, “They found the files Sector 7 had on you. On Subject 035.”  
  
She froze. The words weren’t familiar to her, and yet-

The panic hit her like a speeding truck, freezing her breath in her lungs and sending her to her knees as the fear knocked the wind out of her. She curled into herself, her breathing shallow and rapid, her lungs feeling far too small to accommodate anything more that the smallest of breaths. Distantly, she could hear the voice of her visitor, but she couldn’t tell if hr was talking to her or someone else. Then there were more voices, more people, and black spots began to appear before her eyes as she struggle for the much needed oxygen she couldn’t seen to get.

One of the voices was close now, trying to talk to her but she couldn’t understand what was being said through the flashes of emotions that went screaming on a course of mass destruction through her psyche.

Then she felt her arm being pried away from her chest, and she tried to struggle but that voice was still there, trying to soothe, to calm, and she was too panicked to do anything but feel the prick of a needle before the world went dark.

\-----------------

Elle could hear the sound of a heart monitor, the steady beeping almost soothing if not for the fact it meant she was in the hospital. She didn’t open her eyes right away, keeping her breathing even as she listened to the room, trying to tune out the sound of the medical equipment that was just too close to be comfortable.

“-Doing well,” the voice was masculine and professional, “Just a panic attack. Her vitals are stable and she should be coming around in a few hours.” So she was healthy, huh? No shit.

“And aside from her organic side?” another voice, deeper, more commanding. She could almost feel something inside her calm in response to the calm in that voice.

“My scans are picking up a definite change in her biology,” the first voice responded, “I can’t seem to make sense of what exactly might be the cause but-” he cut himself off, and she heard the sound of movement that made the sound of the heart monitor pick up. Heavy, metallic steps, the whirring of gears and the creak of joints as the steps paused next to her.

“She’s awake?” the second person murmured, also coming closer as she opened her eyes, and her breath seized in her throat. Staring at her were two of the robots she had seen in the attack on the city, and on the TV in Egypt.

_Oh God. Oh god they found me._ The thought whirled through her head, and the heart monitor when wild as she jerked back, nearly falling off the gurney, and letting out a terrified sound as a figure, a human figure appeared to keep her from falling to the ground. The new… person… was tall, wearing a doctors coat over a simple button up top and pants, with salt and pepper hair and his hands held out in front of him, trying to calm her down.

He met her eyes and spoke in a soft, even tone, “We mean you no harm,” he said, “All I did was sedate you when you had a panic attack. And all I intend to do is make sure you are healthy and that your-” he paused to find the proper word, “Abilities will not cause you harm either.”

The kind, calm tone shouldn’t have helped, but she could almost feel the sincerity from the figure. Her eyes darted from the human to the robots, and back to the human. She sucked a deep breath in through clenched teeth, then let it out and fought to still her shaking hands as the man approached her to get her settled back on the gurney.

She looked back at the two robots, and then back at the man in front of her, and gestured between them, “Is this…. I mean….” She swore she knew how to talk, but she was still shaken up and the heart monitor was still beeping too fast than is probably should have been.

She jumped as another figure approached, this one not just appearing in front of her like the first, but she could help but glance between it and thew two bots again, and the figure stopped a few feet away, clearly not wanting to distress her even more. She swallowed and looked at the new figure, taller than the ‘doctor’ with short dark hair and bright blue eyes in military fatigues.

“I apologize for how we were forced to bring you here,” he said in that rumbling baritone, and she swallowed and nodded, clasping her hands together trying to calm the shaking. She nodded for him to continue, and he came slightly closer, meeting her gaze with one that was open and honest, “I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots” he said, gesturing to the taller of the two robots, “And this is Ratchet, my Chief Medical Officer.”

The next breath came easier, less panicked, and the beeping began to slow. The doctor, Ratchet, seemed to nod as he looked her up and down, and she could feel something run over her skin and he nodded, “I’m scanning you to check you vitals,” he explained, “And checking to see if there have been any changes in your condition.”

“My… condition?” Elize asked, swallowing as the doctor nodded. She forced herself to take another deep breath and feeling the shaking in her hands lessen slightly, “You mean my transforming thing?”

Ratchet eyed her, nodding slowly, “We had wondered exactly how far that particular ability went,” he said gently, “But if it makes you uncomfortable then it can wait for now.”

Elize wasn’t sure what to make of this. Their… kindness? Consideration? For her well being was not what she had expected from the group of giant robots that had been part of decimating Mission City. She curled her hands into the blankets, twisting the cover up around her clenched fists, “It’s…. I can transform my whole body if I want,” she said, “I’ve been doing it, every morning to practice using it, you know, get used to the differences. Just in case.”

The two glanced at each other and she found her eyes gazing at her hands again before looking up at them with a new question, “Um… What are the Autobots?” she asked, deciding that asking questions might be the best way to keep herself from having another panic attack.

Optimus glanced at Ratchet, and the medic nodded before his human form vanished and one of the two robots, the shorter one, turned to go and presumably look at her scans.

“The Autobots are one faction of the Cybertronian people. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron. A war between two factions, the Autobots and the Decepticons, spilled over from our world to your after I sent the Allspark, our source of life, into space for safety.”

She nodded slowly, her mind racing, “I… see.” she said, thought she didn’t not really. But it was easier to accept that what he was saying was true when she could see the honesty in his eyes. His gaze was searching and he walked closer to her.

“I feel I must apologize to you,” he said, his voice quiet, “As it was me send off the Allspark that allowed the humans who found it to do this to you.”

She jumped a bit, her eyes wary, and swallowed, “You know… how this happened to me?” she asked, trying to hide the tremor in her voice. She didn’t remember, nothing solid enough for true recollection, and to be honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“The details of the experiment regarding you were in the files we recovered from Sector 7 after they were disbanded,” Optimus confirmed, his look searching, “Do you know what happened in those experiments?”

Elize swallowed again, then shook her head, “No,” she said, “The memories are just… hazy. All blurred together and I can’t really tell you much. I remember a metal room, and a glass box. And pain. I remember the pain,” she said, feeling her heart rate beginning to pick up again, then Ratchet was there, gently maneuvering her into laying down again.

“That’s quite enough, Prime,” he said, “She needs to rest and get settled and that will be easier if we don’t upset her further. I’ve ordered a meal from the mess for her, and then I think it’s time for bed.”

She shot the medic a look of disbelief, but had learned a while ago not to argue with her doctors when they started talking about her health. It never ended in her favor. Prime nodded and stepped back, his human form vanishing as he looked at her.

“I will see you again,” he said, then turned to leave. She watched him go, amazed at how silently he could move despite his size. She looked to the human beside her and gestured, curious.

“What is… this?” she asked, pointing to the human, “It’s you, right? But how are you…”

The medic nodded, checking to make sure all the devices monitoring her were still properly hooked up, “This is my holoform. I prefer to use it with new patients that aren’t used to being treated by me. If I had realized you were so close to waking, I’d have had you meet this form first, but you came out of the sedation faster than I thought you would.”

She gave him a wry smile, “I’ve had doctors tell me I seem to metabolize medications like that faster than normal people. After I, well,” she gestured to her arm, “I wondered if that might be why that happened. But who knows, right?”

Ratchet filed the information away for further thought later, but kept talking, “That could be,” he said, “After you eat would you like something to help you sleep? Or would you rather try to get to sleep on your own?”

Elize thought about it, then shook her head, “I think I’d rather try on my own. It would do me no good to get into a position where I need help getting to sleep.”

Ratchet nodded, “If you’re certain, Miss Hall.” he said, turning to go retrieve the food that had just been delivered. She stopped him with a hand on his arm, shaking her head again.

“Elize. Elize or Elle, please,” she said, “I don’t like being called Miss.” The name Miss Hall always made her uneasy, like an ill-fitting shirt. Like it wasn’t hers to use.

Ratchet paused, then nodded, “Elize then, if that will make you more comfortable.”

She smiled at him, “It does. Thank you.” She sat back and let him go to retrieve her meal, taking another deep breath to maintain her level head. She felt like her stay here, in this place, wasn’t going to be over anytime soon.


	2. Skin Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in Diego Garcia is easy enough, and the Autobots aren't near as scary as Elize had thought. But this is only the beginning, and nothing ever stays the same.

**Chapter Two**

**Skin Deep**

The next few weeks were spent easing Elize into life on the Autobot base. It took two days for her to be let out of the med bay, though not released from the care of the Ratchet. The medic had explained they weren’t aware of the full ramifications of her status as what the termed a ‘Techno-Organic’. And with that being the case it had been decided that he would act as her de-facto guardian until such a time as they could determine that there were no negative side effects.

It didn’t really bother her as she was allowed the time between when she woke up and when she went to bed, barring exams by Ratchet, to wander the base and get to know the base personnel, as well as the other Autobots. She found herself enjoying her weapons training with Ironhide, she only had one cannon but she should at least learn how to shoot it.

They couldn’t really train her in hand to hand, she was too small, but she had showed Ratchet how she ran through her martial arts training in both forms each day and he had been pleased at how much control she had over her Cybertronian frame, which he had told her was a Protoform. She was still forming her final armor, which was why some of the metal covering her frame was still so malleable.

That didn’t stop her from hanging out with some of the fighter build Autobots, and had taken a shine to the twins, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. She had also found herself enjoying the company of some of the scouts, Cliffjumper being one she liked to talk to. Or the sabotuer, Jazz, who after almost six or seven months of being worked on by Ratchet was finally back on his feet, much to Prowl’s pleasure. She had found it fascinating, the relationships that formed in Cybertronian Society.

She wasn’t allowed to deploy to fight the Decepticons, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She knew with her size and lack of armor she would most like just be in the way instead of being anything close to helpful, so on days that the Ironhide and the others were deployed she would spend time with Wheeljack or Preceptor in the lab, or help Red Alert with security checks. And as she settled in she felt herself becoming… comfortable. Happier. She uncomfortable sensation that came with transforming had lessened with time as well, and it all seemed to good to be true.

\---------------

Ratchet was looking over Elize’s scans again, trying to figure out what was bothering him about them so much. Her alt-form as he had come to think of the switch was getting larger by minuscule amounts each time, and she had told him it was getting easier with every transformation. On the surface all of that seemed to point to a positive turnout but…

A thought occurred to him and he pulled up the previous scans and set to comparing them. What he was looking at almost eluded him, but upon looking at them as a group he finally realized what was happening, and the realization made his spark drop. He _pinged_ Optimus, and received an affirmative from the leader of the Autobots that he was on his way, and that he would make sure to pick up Elize and bring her with him.

When the two entered the med bay, Elize slipping out of Optimus's cab and to the floor so the leader of the Autobots could transform, Ratchet leaned down to offer the Techo-organic a servo to climb on. He preferred to have her closer to his height when he delivered important medical news, and she gave him a puzzled look as he placed her not on the berth her gurney rested on, but on the desk in front of him instead.

“What have you discovered Ratchet?” Optimus asked as he finished transforming to his Bi-pedal mode, “You made it seem quite urgent.”

“I was looking over my scans of Elize and have figured out what made the initial scans I had of her so strange,” Ratchet said as he pulled up the scans on his screen. The Techo-Organic frowned as she looked at them, clearly noticing something herself, though she didn’t know what they meant.

“Why am I color-coded?” she asked, gesturing to the scans, which were red and blue rather than a solid color or shades of the same, “What’s with the red and blue?”

Ratchet glanced at her and pointed, “The red are the parts of you that read as organic to my scans,” he said, and she frowned. He continued before she could speak, “The blue are the parts that read as Cybertronian.”

Optimus looked at the scans as well, and frowned, “I see,” he said, looking at each scan carefully. Elize was doing the same, and voiced the question Ratchet was sure Optimus was thinking.

“Why are the blue sections growing?” she asked, and Ratchet sighed. She was entirely right, the blue splotches, which had been fairly small in his initial scan of her, were slowly but steadily growing ever larger, seeming to overtake the red organic parts of the scan.

“Because I believe your Cybertronian half is changing your organic half to mimic proper Cybertronian form,” Ratchet said, “I can be sure from just the scans, but it seems that each time I scan you you’ve been minutely altered.”

“What would you like to do about this? If this continues, what do you believe the consequences will be for Elize?” Optimus asked, his optics intent on the screens and what they were telling him.

“I can’t be sure what the long term effect of such a change would be,” Ratchet said, “But I would like to do a deep scan on you, Elize, to see if I can discern the cause of this strange phenomenon. Up until now I have limited myself to surface and slightly deeper scans, but considering the information I have found I would like to give you a full workup.”

Elle was staring at the screens, looking a bit sick as what was being said sank in, and she nodded, “I- Alright,” she said, “Do you know if there’s anyway to… fix it?” she asked, turning wide, frightened eyes up to the medic, who let out a sigh.

“I can’t be sure,” he admitted, “But I promise you, if it is possible, I will find a way to stop this process,” he met her eyes with his optics and she nodded, swallowing. He offered her his hand again, “To make this more comfortable for you, I ask that you let me sedate you so my scans don’t cause any discomfort.”

She looked up at him, and asked in a timid voice, “Can- can someone stay with me?” she asked. She looked so unsure and fearful, with her hands clasped tight in front of her to hide their trembling, Ratchet nodded, trying to think of who might be available.

“Do you have someone in mind?” Optimus asked, and she looked down, like she was afraid to ask, but…

“Jazz?” she asked. She had become good friends with the Saboteur in the last few weeks, when he wasn’t bust being second in command of the Autobots. And she fully expected to be told he was too busy, but Optimus’s optics dimmed for a moment as he _pinged_ the other mech, then nodded.

“Jazz is on his way,” the Autobot leader said, “I will take my leave, and I have a meeting with the NEST command chain in a few minutes. Please keep me up to date on what you find,” he inclined his head to Ratchet and made his way out of the med bay as Jazz stepped inside. The saboteur took in the air in the room, and his holoform materialized next to the gurney Elle was getting settled on.

She smiled at the man, who was shorter that Ratchet's holoform, with blonde hair and blue eye full of mischief. He wore basic jeans and a t-shirt under a nice leather jacket, “Hey Jazz. Thanks for this.”

“Hear you got some scary news and didn’t want to be alone for the procedure. Seems like a reasonable request to me, Ellie,” he grinned as she rolled her eyes. Only Jazz called her Ellie, and trying to get him to call her just Elle was a lost cause. The holoform looked up as Ratchet's holoform materialized nearby, heading to a nearby desk for the needed sedative, and Jazz took her hand, “It’ll be alright. Hatchet is the best medic there is after all.”

Ratchet snorted, giving Jazz a glare over his shoulder and Elle relaxed. It was hard to be tense when Jazz was just being himself and irritating Ratchet because he knew how far he could push the medic before it became too far. The doctor holoform approached, holding the syringe, and she laid back and closed her eyes, squeezing Jazz’s hand once before she felt the prick of the needle and sank into sleep.

\-------------------

Ratchet had given Elize enough sedation to get her through the rest of the day and night to make sure he not only had time to do the full workup but also examine his findings so that when she did wake up, he would hopefully have answers. He had attempted to tell Jazz that he would inform the SIC before she woke, but Jazz just gave him a lazy grin and stood where he was, holding the girl’s hand.

“I told her I’d be here,” he said, “Not going to abandon her halfway through.”

Ratchet sighed through his vents and started the rounds of scans of her system, waiting for the battery of scans to finish before he started on the tests for materials in her blood. He fully intended to keep his promise to her about reversing, or at lease stopping the changes if possible. And if not… he couldn’t help but feel a weight on his spark at the thought that there might be nothing he could do but help her through the transformation.

Jazz watched the medic as he worked, and could tell that whatever was going on was bad. But Optimus had said it was Ellie’s decision who was allowed to know and she would tell him if she was okay with him knowing. But the girl had been so pale when he arrived and so clearly upset that he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of thing could have happened to scare her that way.

So it was all the more important that he stay, and that he be there when she woke up, because that’s what friends do. He rolled back on his heels a bit, making sure to keep a grip on her hand as he watched Ratchet move around the room, checking scans and and equipment, and seeming to not like what he was finding.

“Ratchet,” Jazz called, his eyes sharp, “She will be alright, right?”

“She will be fine,” he said, “It may just take a bit of adjustment for her in the long run but she will be alright with the proper support.” Those words didn’t do much to help with Jazz’s concerns, but he would have to accept that as the only answer he was likely to get before Elize woke up and talked to him herself.

\------------------

Elize became aware slowly, dragging herself out of the sedation, feeling the warmth of a hand holding hers. As she opened her eyes she let her gaze drift over to look at the spot next to the bed, where Jazz stood, still holding her hand. Seeing her eyes open, he grinned, “Welcome back,” he said, “How was your rest?”

She smiled, “Good,” she said, “Did Ratchet finish running the tests?” she struggled to sit up, and the holoform moved forward to give her a hand, helping her into a sitting position.

“Sure did,” he said, “He was waiting for you to wake up to give the results when Prime ordered him to recharge first, so you’ve got some free time. Want to go to the mess, since you haven’t eaten since yesterday?”

She nodded, deciding she could skip her morning practice just this once, “You really stayed with me the whole time?” she asked as Jazz’s alt unfolded into his bi-pedal form to help her down from the berth.

“Sure did,” he said, “I said I would, didn’t I? I’m a mech of my word.”

She smiled tiredly back at him and climbed into his palm. He held her for a moment before he grinned, “Brace yourself, Ellie,” he said, and she heard the sound of him starting to transform. She squeaked (though she would forever maintain she made no such sound) as he transformed around her, leaving her sitting in the driver seat of his alt.

“Jazz!” she objected as she started to laugh, “What in the world was that?”

“That was me speeding things up,” he said, a clear grin in his voice, “Now, while we make our way to the mess hall, care to tell me what had you so frightened yesterday?” his question was gentle, but he felt her stiffen a bit as he turned onto one of the roads spanning the Diego Garcia base.

She turned her head to watch the buildings fly by, silent for a moment as she thought about what she wanted to say in response to that question. Her mind ran over the happenings of the past two months, becoming a member of the Autobot nation, which was really just Diego Garcia turned into it’s own nation by choice of the whole world. (Most nations decided it would be best if the Autobots weren’t loyal to any particular nation.) She took a deep breath and settled back against the seat.

“Ratchet said… I’m changing. That it seems my Cybertronian half is beginning to… absorb my human half,” she finally said, “He doesn't know what’s causing it, that’s what all that was about yesterday. He wanted to do a full workup to see if he could discern the cause.”

Jazz whistled, “That’s heavy,” he said, “No wonder you didn’t want to be alone. You know that you can always come talk to me if you need to, right?”

She reached forward to pat his steering wheel, “I know,” she said, “Thanks Jazz. For staying with me, and for that.” she sat back, but she still seemed tense, and Jazz decided to take the long way to the mess hall, realizing there was still something on her mind.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, “You can tell me the truth, I won’t say anything to Ratchet or Prime. Not if you don’t want me to.”

She blinked at his dash, then hummed a but as she wondered if she should say. Jazz felt her tense up before she spoke in a voice so quiet a human would have missed it.

“I’m scared.”

She didn’t say anything else, she didn’t need to and he didn’t push her any farther.

\---------------------

When Ratchet came out of recharge to find Elize gone, he was not happy. He sent out a _ping_ to Optimus, and received a response right away, telling the medic he hadn’t seen the girl at all that day. Ratchet cursed lightly, knowing full well who she must be with then, and the next _ping_ he sent was direct.

_:Calm down, Hatchet,:_ Jazz’s answering message was slightly infuriating, : _S_ _he just finished lunch. You been out for a bit and I made sure she ate and everything. She felt guilty about skipping her morning practice though, so she’s at the training field running through her forms.:_

_: I need her back here, Jazz,”_ the medic huffed, _:_ _There are things we need to talk about.:_

_:About her body changing into a Cybertronian’s?:_ Ratchet couldn’t hide the surprise that flashed through his processor, _:She told me, Ratch, calm down. Are the test results bad?:_

_:… I need to speak with her.:_

_:I’ll be coming along then, when she finishes her forms,:_ Jazz’s voice was firm, : _I’m not leaving her to face this by herself.:_

The connection was shut and Ratchet sighed again. It was probably best that she not be alone, as his news wasn’t what he would call positive. And it seemed that she trusted Jazz enough to tell him about her condition herself, so he might be the best one to have along.

It was another hour before the two returned, and Jazz transformed before Elize even emerged from his cab, ending up sitting in his servo at the end of the sequence, looking up at the SIC, “I will never get used to that,” she declared.

Jazz chuckled as he glanced at Ratchet, “You sure you’re okay with me bein’ here for this, Ellie?” he asked, more for Ratchet's benefit than his own, the medic thought, watching the girl grab his the edge of his servo tightly.

“I’d rather have you here than not,” she said, turning her eyes back to the medic in front of them both, looking a bit pale. He couldn’t blame her for being worried.

“Right,” Ratchet said, “Well. The results of the tests seem to indicate that the half of you that is Cybertronian is in fact working to change your organic parts, converting them to the Cybertronian equivalent.”

“You told me that yesterday, Ratchet,” Elize said, “Is that all you managed to learn with all the tests?”  
  


“No,” Ratchet said, “I simply wanted to start the conversation on common ground. I’ll start with the biological side. There are trace amounts of cybermatter in your bloodstream, which is the best explanation I have for how the transformation is occurring,” he pulled up the scans on the screen, keeping a careful eye on Elize for signs of distress.

Jazz was watching her as well, his digits tightening slightly, curling just a bit around her as a little more color left her face, “Is that all Ratch?” he asked quietly, and the medic shook his helm.

“No,” he said, “Unfortunately, this process has been happening for quite some time it seems. How long have you been able to fully transform yourself, Elize?”

She blinked at the sudden shift in conversation, “A year… almost a year and a half, why?”

“You change form everyday?”

She frowned, “You know I do, Ratchet. You’ve watched me do it, to practice my forms.”

He nodded, “The change did not start with your muscles and soft tissues,” he said, venting out a deep sigh, then pulled up another scan, and Elize went white.

“What- what… is that?” she asked, her voice sounding faint, even to herself. She had been given a bit of a crash course in Cybertronian medicine, and recognized the framework of the deepest part of a Cybertronian body.

“That,” Ratchet said gently, “Is what your skeleton looks like now.”

She stared, feeling entirely detached from the situation somehow, as Jazz gently curled his servo around her, holding her closer to his chassis as she seemed to tremble.

“There’s nothing you can do,” It wasn’t a question, and Ratchet met Jazz’s optics before looking back down at Elize.

“There’s nothing anyone can do,” he said, as gently as possible, “The change has already progressed far enough that if we were to stop it here, your body would give out from the strain of trying to support the parts of her that have already changed.”

Elize looked up at the medic with a helpless look on her face, not sure what was happening really, or how it was happening. She could feel herself shaking, and hear Jazz trying to soothe her. It was too much.

It was one thing to become one when she wanted to be one, even though she wasn’t super useful to the Bots. But this… the fact that it was rewriting her whole physical self, that it had already changed her entire _skeleton_ , and was working through her muscles and organs…

The nausea was sudden and sharp, and she struggled against Jazz’s hand to wriggle free just enough that she didn’t get much vomit on him. Ratchet was talking to her, voice low and calm, trying to talk her back but the sound was getting further away, and she just couldn’t hold on anymore. This time, she embraced the comfort of passing out.


	3. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New information can be hard to process, and change is never easy. When what is changing is the reality of her entire existence, it might be more than Eilze can handle.

**Chapter Three**

**Breaking Point**

She didn’t look any different.

Elize examined her reflection closely, dark hair, dark eyes, her skin tan from spending so much time in the sunlight in Diego Garcia. There were no obvious outward signs of the changes burning through her body. Ratchet had told her, when she woke up after her panic attack, that it seemed like she was being changed from the inside out, and that her skin was probably going to be the last thing to change.

She shook her head, hands tightening on the edge of the sink, forcing herself back from the thoughts that were trying to intrude about a better way to handle this. She shook her head again, pushing back from the sink and heading for the door to the bathroom. Hot Rod was waiting for her, having told her he had a few hours off and wanted to see some of her martial arts.

She hopped out, grinning at the mech as she walked over, pushing all those negative thoughts into a box in the deepest parts of her mind. She couldn’t worry her friends with that sort of thing right now, it was her problem to deal with.

“Hey Hot Rod,” she said, “We heading to the practice field?” he grinned down at her, changing to his alt mode and popping the drivers side door.

“Sure thing,” he said, “I’m really curious to how these ‘martial arts’ work. I’ve been researching them and it seems they take a lot of time and dedication.”

She nodded as she climbed in, “Let’s go then,” she said, “And I’ll show you a bit of what I can do.”

This was easy. This was safe. As long as she could keep herself centered and together, they didn’t need to know. She could wear a smile and laugh with them so long as she had to if it kept them from worrying.

They didn’t need to know about the fear or despair or the desperate need for reassurance that who she was wasn’t going to disappear as soon as she finished the lengthy transformation. Or the fact that over the last couple days she had become aware that transforming was less uncomfortable than it had been in the beginning and that now she knew why.

She looked at her hands again, unable to accept that just below the skin of her fingers wasn’t bone, but alloy and wiring. She flexed them gently, idly wondering if her blood was even the right color anymore.

“You alright?” Elize blinked as she looked up at the dash again, banishing the thoughts of the change so she could give him a convincing smile.

“I’m fine,” she said, “Just thinking about the best way to demonstrate martial arts to someone so much bigger than I am.”

Hot Rod laughed, and she felt her shoulders relax just a bit. This was enough. To be happy, to enjoy herself with her friends like her entire human life wasn’t on borrowed time anyway. She could handle this. She had to, seeing as she didn’t have much of a choice.

Not that she’d ever had that, she supposed, since Ratchet said that even if she had never transformed in the first place this would still have been likely to happen. Her natures were imbalanced and the stronger would have overcome the weaker eventually, no matter what had happened. The only difference is the amount of time it would have taken.

She swallowed back a scream of frustration as she shoved the thoughts back again. She refused. She refused to make the others worry about how she was handling this, even if most of them didn’t know what was going on. She needed to keep a level head so that they didn’t think to ask questions.

She could see the practice field coming up and with a silent sigh, she started to pester Hot Rod about his latest mission. Anything to keep her mind off what was happening to her.

\-------------------

Ratchet vented sharply as he checked and rechecked his calculations. He wanted to put together a timeline for how long it might take for Elize to finish the changes in her body, as well as determine how drastic the physical changes would be.

She was definitely going to be taller, that was obvious. Her alt form had been increasing in size since the beginning, so she wouldn’t be surprised to hear that. He suspected she would still be shorter than most bots, he was putting it in the ballpark of 8-12 feet by the time all was said and done. As long as she continued to practice in both forms, that shouldn’t become a problem.

As he moved to the next calculation, he received a _ping_ from Hot Rod. He had her at the practice field and was watching her go through her forms. Good. Keeping up her habits was a good sign, though he was sure she was struggling with what she had learned.

Filing away her current location and sending a thank you back to Hot Rod, he returned his processor to the calculation of time. The process was accelerated when she transformed, and if she continued to practice in bother forms every day, then that would alter his timeline as well. The projections he came up with were still shorter than he would have liked, however.

Even so, he was Chief Medical Officer. And she was his patient. If this was the projection, she should know. He started to _ping_ Hot Rod, but thought better of it, and contacted Prime instead. If she wanted anyone there, it would most likely be Jazz, and he needed to make sure it would be interfering with any plans to summon the SIC to the med bay with Elize.

\---------------------------

_Nine months._

Elize sat on the berth, Jazz standing next to it as they both stared at Ratchet. Nine months, and that was apparently being generous. If she never changed to her alt mode, she would have nine months left. If not... if she kept up with her practice and changed once a day, that shortened the time. To a third of what she would have otherwise.

“Three months?” her voice was just a whisper, but she knew they had heard. Jazz reached over to place his servo gently against her back, and Ratchet watched her carefully. She felt the digits tighten a bit against her back, and realized she was shaking.

Ratchet was watching her, his gaze sympathetic. When he spoke, his words were almost painfully gentle, “I’m very sorry, Elize,” he said, “It’s the best estimate I can some up with. This isn’t anything we’ve ever seen before.”

Elize took a deep breath, forcing the panic and fear and the feeling of unfairness down, and shaking her head, “Not your fault,” she said, “Not anyone’s fault. And you’re doing the best you can with what you know.”

Part of her was screaming that they had to be able to do more, but she shoved that part down too, and while she knew better than to smile, they would never believe she was fine right away after what happened with the last news they had given her, she wouldn’t panic like that this time.

She refused. Just because this was so wrong and unfair, it wasn’t a situation that they had created, and she refused to take it out on them.

It would be alright. She would be fine.

\-------------------------

Routine was her saving grace. Get up, stretch, run through her forms. Maybe because she was so used to it, or maybe she just wanted this to be over, but she still did so in both forms. Shower, gather self in front of mirror. Plaster on a smile, and go about her day. Everyday like clockwork.

She was spending her days with different Autobots, and was glad to have the company. It… eased the tension just a bit, and she found she could handle the pressure better with them around. Hot Rod and Cliffjumper were always fun, but she spent just as much time with Bumblebee and Ironhide. Arcee, who had just returned from a mission was a ‘Bot she enjoyed spending their equivalent of ‘girl time’ with.

“As far as she knew, the only ones who knew about what was happening to her were Jazz, Ratchet, and most likely Optimus. Since he was the big boss and all. She was restricted to base now though. Before she could have left as long as she was accompanied by a bot, but Ratchet was worried she’d be too far away in a pinch if he let that continue. So he said base only and Optimus agreed.

It wasn’t that she minded so much, well, okay, it bothered her a lot. But at the same time she knew better than to try and argue with Ratchet, much less with the big guy. He had that way of looking at her that just made her feel so guilty when she tried to argue with the care Ratchet offered. It’s wasn’t fair.

Fair. What in her life was fair? She had so little time left. Two and a half months at most if she kept transforming, but she couldn’t just stop. Wouldn’t it be better for her to be used to the body she was going to be stuck in forever?

“Elle?” The girl blinked, turning her head up to meet Arcee’s optics from where the Techo-Organic was laying on the ground next to her, and she smiled. The femme was her ‘minder’ for the moment. It hadn’t taken her too long to realize she was constantly being taken around by at least one Autobot, and when it had occurred to her that it was strange to be carted everywhere, she had confronted Ratchet.

And wasn’t that an argument for the ages. She had stalked along the berth, shouting and waving her hands, and he had stood there, impassive and unwavering about his order that she needed to be watched in case of ‘complications. She just about blew her top at that, and probably would have, but Optimus entered for his regular check-up. The look he directed at her made her feel like a toddler.

So, a minder she had, everyday. She could deal with this without losing her mind. She even got Jazz or Sunny and Sideswipe sometimes and that wasn’t so bad. She shook her head and looked back at Arcee.

“Sorry Arcee,” she said, “Really. I’m listening.”

“You better be,” the femme scolded, “If what you told me is right you’ll need to know all of this. I can’t believe Ratchet or Prime or Jazz never told you how bonds work. If you have a spark, you need to know this.”

“Right,” she said, sitting up, “Right. I’m really sorry, Arcee. I got side-tracked.”

“Well, don’t let it happen again,” she said, “Now, There are three kinds of Bonds. There are Twin, or sibling bonds. With two sets of twins on base, this one is likely the easiest to understand. Twins always have a unique bond, and sibling bots have a lesser version of it.”

“Right. That’s why Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, or Skids and Mudflap are so close.”

“Right. Then there is a Creator-Bond. It’s similar to what you call a paternal or maternal bond. When a newspark, and brand new Cybertronian, is created, it’s not able to do basic things, like firewall against the neural net, so an older Cybertronian, with the proper programming, will establish a bond with the spark to take care of it while it stabilizes and learns what it needs to learn to function alone.”

“Which Autobots have that? Or is that rude to ask?” Elle cringed back a bit, not sure if she had overstepped.

Arcee shrugged, “It’s a common knowledge of the faction thing. Ratchet has it. So does Kup. Ironhide and Prime as well. I think Jazz does but he’s never had a chance to use it, so we don’t know for sure.”

Elle nodded thoughtfully, “Is that why Ironhide is so good with Annabel?” she asked, curious and Arcee nodded.

“Believe it or not, Ironhide has raised many newsparks to maturity. He tends to attract twins. He was Sunny and Sides creator.”

She gaped at the femme, wondering at the very idea that Ironhide could have taken care of the twins, willingly at that, “So he has no one to blame but himself that they drive him crazy?”

Arcee snickered, “You didn’t hear that from me,” she warned and Elle grinned and nodded.

“My lips are sealed,” she said, “So then what’s the third type of bond?”

“The Spark-bond,” the femme said, “or the Link. They tend to get lumped together, but they are very different. A spark bond can be found between compatible sparks. But it’s not a one off. If a mech or femme survives the breaking of a spark-bond, they can make another one if they find the right spark. Spark-bonds are powerful though, like the creator-bond they are a world of their own on the neural net that only those involved can access.”

Elle rolled that information over in her mind as Arcee watched, and finally nodded, looking expectantly up at the femme to continue the explanation, “And what about a Link?”

Arcee seemed to think a minute before speaking, “A Link is special,” she said, “There is only ever one link for any mech or femme. You would call them ‘Soulmates’. They were made for each other. There is no denying a Link. You have a… a real connection. You can speak over a channel no one else can access, and they can hear you when no one else can. And to deny a link… it will cause you to go mad and offline if you do it long enough.”

She blinked up at Arcee, at the near reverent tone her voice had taken on.

“Are there… are there any links on base?” Elle asked, almost afraid to break the silence.

“Two,” Arcee said, “Jazz and Prowl are one, Ratchet and Wheeljack are the other.”

Elle was floored, but she could see it. There had always been something special between Prowl and Jazz, and Ratchet was always softer around Wheeljack than any of the other ‘Bots. This insight into what that bond was made her smile.

“That sounds really special,” she said, “I wonder if I’ll ever have something like that.”

“You have a spark,” Arcee said, “It’s a possibility.”

And didn’t that sound nice, despite everything.

\------------------------------

Maybe it was luck that found Elize inside one of the hangars with the Twins when they both went stiff, and Sunny snapped an order that had her reacting without thinking.

“Elle, transform now!” the warrior shouted, and the girl did so without thinking. He scooped her up then placed her under the berth she had been sitting on. She gazed at him with bewildered optics, and Sideswipe was already charging out the hangar door, “Stay here, and don’t change back,” Sunny instructed, “We’ve got Seekers incoming in attack formation.”

She blinked up at him, but nodded nervously as she heard the sonic boom as the Seeker trine shot overhead. She curled up in the darkest part of the shadows under the berth, her arms around her legs, faceplate pressed to her knees.

The sounds of fighting were faint, but the concussive blasts of the missiles the Seekers were dropping were not. And when one of those missiles struck the hangar she was in, Elle understood why she had been placed under the berth as, one, then two, then a barrage of blasts assauted her ears, right before the hangar collapsed around her.

The berth kept her from getting crushed, but she was stuck underneath it because of the rubble. She couldn’t hear the fighting anymore. She couldn’t hear anything through the stone and metal pinning her in. And as she sat there she realized why she had been told not to turn back.

In this form she couldn’t run out of oxygen.

After wandering as close to the wall of rubble as she felt was safe, she retreated to her original spot and curled into a ball again, wondering what was going on, and if any of her friends were hurt, and how long it would take them to find her.

“They’ll be fine,” she told herself sternly, “They’re strong, capable warriors, they’ll be fine. I’m sure Sunny and Sides are looking for me right now. They won’t forget me.”

Time ticked by, and she stayed where she was, somewhat glad that she wasn’t getting stiff in this form. To keep herself calm she ran through her forms, once, twice, then several more times. Her internal clock was more than happy to keep reminding her how long she had been down her. At the eight hour mark, she had to start fighting her panic.

“They’re fine,” she said, “They’re fine, They’re fine, They’re fine,” she murmured to herself like a mantra, “They’ll drive the Decepticons away and come back for me once it’s safe. Sunny and Sides would never leave me here. Jazz would never leave me here. They- they care about me.”

When another four hours had passed, she had returned to the fetal position, assuring herself over and over that her friends would come back for her. She refused to panic and she would be dignified and put together when they dug her out because she was a strong, stable young woman and they didn’t have to worry about her.

Six hours later, when she heard the digging and saw Ratchet and Optimus looking at her through the hole they had cleared in the wall, those plans went out the window as she transformed back and climbed into Ratchet’s offered hand, holding his thumb with all her strength as she wept in relief and asked if her friends were all okay.

\--------------------------

It was the next day when she summoned to courage to ask the strength to ask the question.

The med bay had a few patients, Sunny and Sides were there for minor repairs. Jolt was laying on a berth on Ratchet’s orders, Arcee was currently being worked on by Hoist, and suddenly she didn’t care if they knew or not what was happening to her, because it had finally sunk it that she had spent 18 hours transformed the day before and the thought nearly had her panicked.

“Ratchet,” she suddenly asked, causing the medic, and all the other bots in the med bay, to look at her, “How much time?”

The medic paused, then glanced at the rest of the med bay, then back at her, “Elize-”  
  


“I don’t care if they know!” she snapped, “They’ll find out sooner rather than later, right? How much time did I lose? How long until- until there’s nothing left of my human side?”

Sunny pushed himself up slightly on the berth in shock at the words, and Sides reached out to grab his twin’s shoulder. Arcee looked alarmed. Hoist seemed to sigh as he held Arcee still and Jolt shot into a sitting position to turn and stare.

Elle ignored them, her eyes on Ratchet. The CMO sighed, running his scan over her. His optics dimmed as he ran his calculations, and tried not to balk at the result. His optics brightened again, and then his holoform was there next to her, trying to urge her to sit down.

“Ratchet,” she said, ignoring the holoform, “How long? Before yesterday I had two months, right? How much time have I lost?”

The look he gave her left her feeling helpless, even as he spoke in that quiet, gentle tone.

“From my scans, and calculations,” he said, “The change will be complete within the month.”

There was a moment of dead silence, then she let out a soft, despairing keen as she felt her knees buckle. She felt his holoform catch her as she slid to her knees on the berth, her face buried in her hands.

\-----------------------------

Elle was looking in the mirror again.

Ratchet had been called away suddenly, and she knew Jazz would be there in another fifteen minutes to pick her up, but it was the first time she had been alone since she had learned how little time she had left. It didn’t make her feel better like she hoped it would.

She looked at her reflection as she thought about the change in how the Autobots had been treating her, like she was made of the most delicate glass. It bothered her, but at least they were trying. Jazz didn’t treat her any different, and Sunstreaker and Sideswipe tried, but it felt different now.

Everything felt different, but she didn’t look it. Ratchet said that the changes to her skin and face wouldn’t happen until the very final stages of the change. So she would look human until the last few days.

_It’s a lie._

Like her smiles and laughs and reassurances that she was fine.

_**It’s a lie.** _

She felt bile rising into her throat as she looked at her reflection, wondering about the final stages of the change. Would it be painful? Would it be slow? Or would it be quick and sharp like a bandaid being ripped off?

_**It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie-** _

Could she even call herself human at all anymore?

Did she even bleed red? Did she bleed at all?

_**IT’S A LIE!** _

She snapped and with a frustrated, strangled scream, she slammed her fist into the mirror, and it shattered, a spiderweb of cracks spreading over the reflective surface as a dark purple liquid ran down her arm from her now badly cut hand. It did little to hide the flashes of silver within the deeper cuts on her fingers.

She stared at the mess for only a moment before with a quiet sob she fled the bathroom, fled the med bay, and ran off into the base, her purple blood dripping on the ground as she went.


	4. That Which is Inevitable

**Chapter Four**

**That Which is Inevitable**

The urgent _ping_ from Jazz interrupted the lecture Ratchet was giving Skids and Mudflap about not injuring themselves or each other, and definitely not dragging three other mechs into the fight. The medic huffed as he answered, and found himself conversing with not only Jazz, but Prime as well.

_:_ _Ratchet, Prime, we may have a problem,:_ Jazz sounded more than a little worried and Ratchet frowned.

_:_ _Is Elize having complications?:_ Ratchet asked, preparing to transform and drive to their location.

_:_ _She’s not here, Ratch,:_ Jazz said, voice tense.

_:_ _Jazz, explain,”_ Optimus said, and Ratchet was already moving on the way back to the med bay. He’d left her alone for 15 minutes for Primus’ sake!

_:_ _When I got her_ _e_ _, she didn’t come out. So I sent in my holoform to grab her. Ratch, the bathroom is a mess, she broke the mirror I think. And there’s… it purple, but I think it’s blood. There’s a trail leading out the door.:_

Ratchet sped up as Jazz spoke, _:Optimus!:_

_:I’m sending out a base wide alert to locate her,:_ Optimus said, already ahead of Ratchet, and opening a network wide channel.

_:Autobots, spread out to search for Elize Hall. She may be injured. If you locate her, contact myself, Ratchet or Jazz immediately.:_

There was a flurry of activity on the neural-net, and soon messages were being tossed out as the search began.

_:_ _I’ll take the North Quad. Cliff, you with me?:_

_:I’m on it, Hot Rod.:_

_:Sunny and I will head for the South Quad.:_

_:Yo, Skids an’ I are in the east!:_

_:Das Right! We’ll find little Elle!:_

_:Ironhide, Prowl and I will go to the West Quad.”_

_:_ _I will remain in the med bay. Bring her to me as soon as you manage to calm her.:_

_:Of course, Ratch. I’ll join the twins in the South Quad. Jazz out.:_

Ratchet kept part of his processor on the exchange of information as the searchers gave status reports from where they had searched as he stepped into the med bay. He activated his holoform to take a look at the bathroom and vented a sigh at the mess. There was glass on the floor and blood in the sink, as well as on several of the glass shards. It was purple, likely a mix of energon and blood. He contacted Hoist, who was on his way back to the med bay, and started to clean up while he waited for news.

\--------------------------

They were probably looking for her by now, Elle thought from where she was curled up in the shadows between two bunkers. Her hand throbbed from the lacerations and glass bits from the broken mirror, and her blood, thick and purple and wrong, dripped from her fingertips to the asphalt.

She was so stupid. She shouldn’t have done that because now they knew she wasn’t okay at all. She had cried a bit, but she just didn’t have the energy to feel like that right now. She was spiraling, it was a feeling she knew too well from when she had only just escaped from captivity and she knew she needed help to get herself level again, but she couldn’t bring herself to go looking for a friend right now.

What even was her life? She had less than a month of mortality left, and she could see the metal of her inner frame through the cuts on her fingers. And her chest burned. From worry or hate or shame in herself she couldn’t have said. She needed her friends, but she didn’t want to be found.

Her chest was burning, and it felt like it was growing hotter with every beat of her heart. She felt like she could just explode. Or maybe…

Maybe it would be easier to give up? To just… sit here and not move and ignore the fact that her whole existence had spiraled entirely out of her control. Maybe if she just sat here she’d eventually just…. Pass out from blood loss.

The burning grew hotter, and she placed a hand to her chest, startled to feel her chest was actually hot to the touch. That wasn’t right, none of this was right. What had she done to deserve this? She curled up again, listening to the sounds of cars driving by, sure at least a few of them were Autobots, looking for her.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

“ _I just want this to be over,”_ she thought, desperate and breaking under all the pressure of the changes that had happened in such a short time.

The burning grew to the point of pain, and she found herself struggling to her feet and stumbling out of the gap between the hangars, feeling suddenly claustrophobic in between the buildings. Elize gasped as the pain got worse, stumbling against a wall with a small cry as the pain sharpened.

She heard the sound of someone slamming on their brakes, followed by rapid transformation. She looked up to find Jazz looking at her, and she shook her head, opening her mouth to tell him something was wrong..But all that came out was a scream as she dropped to her knees, clawing at her chest. She curled forward around the pain, as the heat spread, and she felt something in her pulse, the heat rippling through her whole body each time it happened.

She could hear Jazz trying to talk to her, but there was no way for her to respond. She fell, curling up on her side on the ground as the heat hit the point where she was sure she was burning alive from the inside out. She couldn’t even scream through the pain anymore.

She could hear more cars stopping, more heavy footsteps, and she thought she heard Ratchet for just a moment before the heat inside her exploded.

\------------------------

Optimus was not one of the first to where Jazz had found Elize, but he did manage to arrive in time to see what was happening. She was curled up on the ground between Ratchet and Jazz, with the rest of the bots standing a ways back so as not to crowd her. He was unsure whether to approach the situation for a moment when he noticed something on the neural net, and as he prepared to examine it, the small presence burst into a bright newspark at the same moment Elize truly transformed.

Even when they all examined what everyone had seen later, they had been unable to determine exactly what happened. One moment she was curled on the ground in obvious pain on the ground in her organic form, the next she was transforming and changing. By the time the light, and there had been a bright light, just for a moment, died down, she was far larger than any of Ratchet’s projections had indicated. And while her new form was still on the ground, her spark was screaming in pain and anguish across the neural net.

There was a flurry of messages across the neural network, trying to determine several things all at once, but Optimus noticed that Ironhide and Ratchet were talking about the most important point, while Jazz tried to talk them down as they each tried to point out who would be the best to take on the job of properly nurturing the newspark. They were shouting at each other, and Optimus quickly decided that there was no time to be arguing as Elize’s spark wavered and flickered in her panic.

Ignoring the rest, he reached deep into his processor, activating a program he hadn’t used since he had taken charge of Bumblebee all those millennia ago. His Creator-programming flared to life, reaching out to the struggling newspark and establishing a bond, status updates flashing across his HUD as he slammed firewalls into place around her, silencing the screams on the neural net for everyone else.

He could still hear her, and gently, carefully, nudged at the panicking spark-signature, then tucked it close to his own, gently soothing her until she was calm enough to push into deep stasis.

When his awareness returned, he found Ratchet and Ironhide both staring at him with shocked looks on their faceplates, and Jazz was looking at him appraisingly. The rest were looking around confused, most likely unable to tell who had established the Creator-Bond.

Optimus vented a sigh as he approached the now resting femme, looking at Ratchet, “There was no time for argument,” he said, “How is she doing, Ratchet?”

“There is no damage to her frame or body in general,” Ratchet said, “I can’t tell you more until she fully on-lines. Can you tell anything about how long that will take?”

Optimus turned his attention back to the newspark he was keeping close, examining it with the practiced awareness of a mech who had on-lined a great many sparks in his long life. She was silent now, resting after the long months of stress and what he now realized was repressed negative emotion. But she was far more aware than most newsparks.

“It will take time,” he said, “But she is already far closer to on-lining than any newspark I have nurtured. I would say, considering the rate of the change, it won’t take more than a year.”

Ratchet nodded, “Let’s get her to the med bay,” he said gently, “We can at least let her wake up in a familiar place when she’s ready.”

“How?” Sunstreaker asked, glancing at the former human, “She’s got to be at least 16 feet.”

“18, by my scans,” Ratchet murmured, “She is much larger than I expected, Could you possibly carry her in your alt mode, ‘Hide?”

Ironhide transformed without missing a beat, and Ratchet and Optimus gently maneuvered Elize into his truck bed for transport. They had to place her curled up on her side, as she had been before she trsnfromed, but they made it work. She didn’t even twitch at the motion, and Optimus checked her spark signature again. It was calmed now, pulsing tiredly against his.

“Optimus,” the Prime looked at Ratchet, and the medic met his optics, “This isn’t going to be easy for you.”

“I know, old friend,” Optimus said, “But I couldn’t leave her in that state at risk of her off-lining before she had a chance to live.”

The medic nodded, “I understand,” he said, “I’ll keep and eye on her in the med bay, but the newspark…”

“It is in good hands,” Optimus promised, “I swear to you Ratchet.”

“I know,” Ratchet said, “But she will be a lot to handle.”

“I will do everything I can for her, Ratchet.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”


	5. The Truths We Hide

**Chapter Five**

**The Truths We Hide**

Elize was floating.

She felt warm and safe, like being curled up under a heavy blanket. Or like a hug. She pressed closer to that warmth, glad for the security after all of the stress of the past few weeks. That kind of stress really wore you down she had realized. But this feeling was nice. With a soft sigh, she let herself drift off again.

When she came around again, it was because she wasn’t pressed close to the warmth anymore. She looked around, wondering where it had gone. She could feel a bit of ebb and flow, like the feeling of swimming underwater.

She turned looking around the dark space, spotting something glowing a distance away. It looked almost like the Bio-luminescence she had seen when she went to the ocean two years ago, but the color was wrong. It wasn’t the soft blue she had seen there, but a warm, soft white.

_:_ _Finally awake?:_ the voice startled her, and she jerked back in the empty space, then felt a soft touch of reassurance. She swallowed, not able to believe what was happening, was this… a dream? Weirdest one she ever had if it was.

_:_ _It’s not a dream,:_ The same gentle tone made her look back to the lights, _:Come here.:_

Now how was she supposed to do that? She wasn’t even sure how to move in this strange non-space.

That same feeling of reassurance brushed across her mind, then the voice returned, _:_ _Like this,:_ And she felt the presence reach out and pull her forward, just a bit. The feeling of movement was strange, but she thought she could do that.

It was a jerky, hesitating sort of thing, but she was moving , bit by bit until she reached the light, and she pressed close again, letting the warmth soak into her. Suddenly she was exhausted, and she felt a ripple of approval wash over her, and she let herself drift back off.

\-----------------------

Optimus was pleased with the progress of Elize’s spark signature. She was already beginning to move around, even if it was only in the Creator-bond. It had been only two months since her abrupt change, and it seemed it wouldn’t be too much longer for her spark to on-line fully.

He sent a message and the data packet of the exchange to Ratchet, who _pinged_ him back in thanks. He knew Sunstreaker was going to be taking care of her paint today, and that the former artist was probably being unbearable to the medic.

He made sure to keep part of his processor on the meeting in front of him as he turned part of his attention back to the spark-signature tucked so close to his own. It was still as fragile as any newspark, and after checking it, and making sure it was fine, he settled back to continue the meeting.

\---------------------------

When Elize stirred again, the warm light was further away than it had been the last time, and she couldn’t help but be a bit frustrated. She could feel the presence send out a wave of patience, then, _:Elize, you have to come to me,:_ the same voice from before spoke.

She gazed at the light that seemed far too far away, not sure if she could cross such a large distance. All the same, and steeled herself and thinking of how much this felt like water, she started swimming.

It took way longer than she thought it should to reach the light again, and she felt like she was shaking from how tired she suddenly was. The light drew her close, approval rippling over her like a blanket, _:Well done, Elize.:_

After a moment, she wondered if she could do that. Speak like the voice in her mind. There was a wave of amusement before she decided to try it for herself. She focused her tired mind, trying to send her thoughts out.

_:I feel like I know you,:_ she said, feeling herself starting to nod off again.

The next thing she felt was surprise, then a gentle pride as the presence brushed over her mind again, _:I am Optimus Prime. Now rest Elize.:_

She didn’t need to be told twice.

\------------------------

Optimus was surprised at how quickly she had caught on to speaking through the Creator-Bond. She’d had limited access to the Autobot’s communication network when she was a Techno-Organic, so perhaps that was what made her so eager to reach out and try to use the neural network.

He _pinged_ Ratchet, opening a communication channel when the medic accepted.

_:”_ _What is it, Optimus? I was just observing Elize’z spark energy. It’s definitely getting stronger much more quickly than-:_

_:She spoke to me, Ratchet,:_ Optimus told the medic, _:Through the neural-net, just now. She seems to be closer to fully on-lining than I thought.:_

_:She spoke to you? So soon?:_

_:I believe it was because she had used our wireless network before her change. It’s similar enough.:_

_:Perhaps,:_ Ratchet acknowledged, _:She’ll be back with us soon, then?:_

_:I certainly hope so my friend.:_

\----------------------------

When Elize became aware again, the warm light was further away again, and she glided toward it, then paused before she got there. She wondered….

She moved off to the side, then up and down and back to her starting point, then she went and whirled around the light before returning to her starting point. She felt what was almost exasperation from the light, darting back when she felt it reach toward her. She giggled and swam back again, then forward, then started to swim around the seemingly empty space.

_:Elize,:_ Optimus’s voice was warning, and she couldn’t help but grin as she swam in a loop.

_:Yes, Optimus?:_ she sent back as she came to a stop a bit away from the light, gently bobbing as she felt the space around her swirl and eddy.

_:What are you doing?:_ There wasn’t any bite in his voice, and from the soft feeling of amusement and laughter left her hopeful that he wasn’t upset.

_:Playing?:_ she offered, dancing back when she felt it reaching again, only to misjudge how fast it was and find herself tucked in tight against the light. There was the sensation of movement, and then the area around her felt… different.

Optimus let her go and she drifted back and looked around. It didn’t look any different, but it felt lighter, and moving about was a bit easier, _:Where are we?:_

_:You were in deep stasis,:_ Optimus explained, _:Now we are away from that, in normal stasis. You can come out of this whenever you are ready.:_

_:Why was I in deep stasis?:_ Elize asked, hovering there, looking curiously at the white Bio-Luminescence.

_:Do you remember what happened?:_ Optimus asked, gently, and Elize stopped, and thought back to before the first time she had woken up here.

She felt the light move closer as she moved back through the memories, she recalled… pain? Yes, pain. From her hand. She had… smashed something. Something that cut her hand up badly. Then she had…

She had run. Run away from what she had broken and she had hidden between some buildings. She had been badly spiraling. Angry at herself for breaking the mirror, and it had been a mirror, she remembered that now. Angry that she would make the ‘Bots worry, that she had run and needed someone there to keep her from hitting rock-bottom.

**Maybe it would be easier to give up.**

The thought hit her like a brick, and the intent behind it slammed through her at the same time. She could feel the sudden horror from the light in front of her. No. No! They weren’t ever supposed to know! They couldn’t!

She jerked back as the feeling of reassurance tried to calm her, twisting away instead, to hide, to escape. She wanted out! She needed to be out!

\-------------------------------

The optics of the femme on the berth flashed bright just before she shot into a sitting position with a sound of panic. Ratchet almost jumped, Hoist was already there, hands on the femme’s shoulders as she twisted on the berth, trying to escape.

“Elize!” Ratchet said, causing the femme to still and turn her optics on the chartreuse medic, the look wild as he stepped forward, “Elize. You are safe here. We’re in the med bay.”

“Ratchet,” she said, flinching as soon as she spoke. Her voice was different. Not by much, but she could hear the slight change in the way it sounded. Still she plowed on, “Ratchet, what- Optimus was- and I-” she struggled with the words, “W-was it all just a dream?”

“Was what a dream?” he asked gently as Hoist managed to get her to lay back on the berth and he began to run scans over her.

“I was- it was a dark place… I felt like I was swimming,” she said, “And the only other thing there was this… it looked like a ball of bio-luminescence. Like in the ocean.”

“And?” Ratchet encouraged, wanting her to keep talking. He took a moment to look up what she was referencing and was intrigued. Was that how she perceived Optimus’s spark-signature?

“And… And it spoke to me,” she said, “It was warm, and it spoke to me. Taught me how to move around… It sounded like Optimus.”

“I will leave him to explain the details,” Ratchet prefaced, then continued, “But it was not a dream. It has been some time since your change. Do you know today’s date?”

“April 5th?” she said, confused. That was the day she-

“Elize,” Ratchet said gently, “It’s October 20th. You’ve been in stasis for a little over six months.”

She stared at him, optics wide. He sighed. Where was Optimus? Why did she online so suddenly? He hoped the Peterbilt was on his way as he looked over the scans, “What’s the last thing that happened?”

“I-” she stopped, suddenly tense as she, in something that certainly a carry over from her life as a human, pressed her lips together as she had when there was something she couldn’t, wouldn’t bring herself to say.

That wasn’t a good sign, Ratchet mused. He _pinged_ Optimus to find out where the ‘Bot was, and received confirmation that the mech was only a few minutes away, and an order to keep Elize where she was until he got there. And that made him worry more.

_:What happened?:_ Ratchet asked, point blank, _:As her medic, is it something I should know about?:_

The response was a data burst of the last interaction Elize and Optimus had in the Creator-Bond while she was in stasis and Ratchet couldn’t stop the sudden intake of air that had Elize going stiff on the berth. Ratchet looked at her in dismay. That she had considered that, even for a second was-

“Why?” he asked her, gently, before he could stop himself, and she flinched.

“I-” she looked down at her servos, seeming to examine them, “It wasn’t- I wouldn’t have-” she pressed her lips together again, unwilling to say anything more. They sat that way until the door of the med bay opened, and the semi-truck rolled in before transforming.

Elize couldn’t look at him. Not after what he had found out. He approached, stepping up to the berth, and she realized she could feel him regarding her. It seemed the bond she had felt in stasis didn’t merely exist there. She had talked to Arcee about bonds, hadn’t she? There were sibling or Twin bonds, Spark-Bonds, Links. And-

“The Creator-Bond,” she said, suddenly understanding as her optics shot up to look incredulously at Optimus, who inclined his helm solemnly.

“That is correct,” he said, “Your on-lining was- stressful to your spark. Left as you were, you would have off-lined right after had the bond not been established.”

She couldn’t stop the thought before it raced across her mind-processor- whatever he head was now.

**Maybe it would have been better that way.**

“No,” Optimus’s objection to the thought was sharp, “Elize, no.”

Ratchet glanced between them, then turned his optics on her, “Elize,” he said, “You should recharge. You’ve been in stasis for a long time, and that stabilized your bond with the neural-net, but it wasn’t resting.” he held out a cube, “Drink this. Then you can get some rest.”

She looked up at him, then allowed Hoist to help her into a sitting position. She took the cube, energon she reasoned, and drank. Once she had finished the odd tasting liquid, she was helped to lay down again.

“How do I…?” she glanced at the mechs in the room, “Is it like going asleep or-”

“Just give the command to recharge,” Ratchet explained, “Give yourself,” he considered it, “12 hours. I want you good and rested when you wake next.”

“I’m not sure how to do what you’re saying,” she said. Ratchet glanced at Optimus, and suddenly she felt her mental- presence, or whatever it was, tucked close to that soft warmth. Then with a soft brush, the knowledge of how to initiate recharge was suddenly there, and she almost jumped.

“That was merely a data transfer,” Optimus rumbled, “Now, try it.”

She looked at him, then reached for the programming as he had, showed her? Was that the right way to explain what had happened? Regardless. She did as she was told, initiated a twelve hour recharge cycle, and was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little late to start saying this I guess, but I really appreciate anyone and everyone who has been reading this! Thank you all so much!


	6. Making Adjustments

**Chapter Six**

**Making Adjustments**

Walking was harder than it looked when you went from just under 6’ to 18’ in a single instant, apparently. Her first attempt to walk in her new form had been a disaster. She had woken up to find herself alone in the med bay, and decided to take a walk around just to move for a bit. So she had done all the normal things, sat up, swung her legs off the berth, put her pedes on the floor and stood up. After taking a moment to get her balance adjusted, she took a step-

And crashed to the ground in a loud clatter. She felt alarm through the Creator-Bond and groaned. It took about five minutes for First Aid to turn up with what could only be a bemused smile on his face, and Ratchet arrived only moments later looking exasperated.

And so, with the help of mechs taller than her (there weren’t near enough of those either) she began relearning her center of balance. It was like a toddler taking their first steps, she would hold the hands of the taller ‘Bots and carefully walk around the med bay. It took nearly two weeks to adjust to her new height, and they were a long two weeks.

Optimus made time to come see her every couple of days, and she knew it was irritating his assistant who made his schedules, but the Prime insisted. He was one of the main helpers in her education in becoming mobile in her bi-pedal form.

Which was currently her only form. Ratchet had given a hard no on having her scan an alt-form just yet. Until she could freely move about in her bi-pedal form the idea of her becoming a car was apparently ‘out of the question’. Not that she would have been able to go anywhere anyway, she was confined to the med bay until her systems had fully adjusted and on-lined, and until she could walk for an extended period of time without assistance.

Which may have been why, in the middle of her fourth week in the room she now had memorized, when Ratchet was giving her a serious look when she woke she found herself more than a little curious.

“You’re lucky you can’t get frown lines, Doc Bot,” she said and the medic scowled.

“Elize, against my better judgment, you are allowed to move around base now so long as you are in the company of another Autobot.”

And the choice to join the bots had been easy enough. She now wore the Autobot symbol on the left side of her chassis over where her heart would have been had she still been human. Her frame had been painted, by Sunstreaker she had been told, in a medium red with orange and gold highlights along the edges of her plating. She had been told that it was in honor of her new designation, her ‘earned name’.

“So… I’m still Elize?” she asked curiously, “Sunny and Sides said that some of the others are calling me ‘Phoenix’.”

The medic gave her a look, and muttered something about telling the twins not to say anything about that. She tilted her helm, and the CMO finally nodded to himself.

“Yes, some of them have. Did the twins explain why?”

“Something about Elize being my ‘sparkling’ name and Phoenix being my ‘earned’ name.”

Ratchet nodded, “Our Creators give us names when we are first sparked. As we grow, we earn names. It’s a tradition to start going by the earned name once it is gifted, but if you prefer, I will still call you Elize.”

She thought about that, “I think… here on base, I would like that. But if, and I mean if, because if Dadimus Prime has anything to say about it,” the look on Ratchet’s face was comical, almost as funny as the sudden rush of surprise she felt from Optimus’s spark signature, “I’ll never be allowed in a combat situation. But _if_ I ever find myself helping you guys out in combat, my new designation might be better.”

Ratchet shuttered his optics for a moment, a bit stunned at the moniker she had given Optimus, but he coughed and nodded, “That might be for the best,” he finally agreed, glad to see the mirth sparkling in her optics. There was still a lot to work on with her, Elize was seeing a therapist three times weekly to work through her issues of self worth, and it was just starting to show. (And to be fair, watching the human therapist literally sit on Elize’s knee when she arrived for the appointment was honestly more than a little funny.)

Elize nodded, “So… I still get a minder then?”

Ratchet gave her a look, and she let a sigh escape her. He watched a moment longer, then, “Yes, but, since we are in the safety of base, I have talked Optimus into letting you partially outside the Creator-bond. You need to start interacting with the neural network anyway.”

Her optics lit in excitement, “I get to talk with everyone like I do Optimus?” she asked, suddenly even more energetic than she had seemed when he had told her she could leave the med bay.

“Yes, with Optimus’s approval,” he said, “But he shouldn’t restrict you from talking to anyone here. He’ll probably have you do it one on one at first, until we have a chance to test and see how you do with firewalls.”

“Can I pick and call my own minder for the day?” she asked, excited, and Ratchet hummed.

“That would be a good start,” he said, “Let me _ping_ Optimus and we’ll get started.”

She almost couldn’t calm down enough to immerse herself in the neural net, finding her mind again floating in the warm feeling like being underwater. She had done this a bit, immersed herself in the neural net to get used to moving around in the space. But now she would finally be outside the Creator-bond, even partially.

She could see Optimus there, though there were some firewalls between them. He wanted to offer her as much privacy as he could, and she was grateful. But now he was going to drop the firewalls, at least some of them, keeping her from accessing the rest of the neural net.

She reached out to call out to him, and the walls between them dropped instantly. She felt herself smile just a bit. Anytime she had reached for him, he had made himself available if she needed. Most of the time, she tried to keep to herself because bothering the Leader of the Autobots for basic questions was a stupid idea. He had more important things to worry about than her.

_:_ _Do I really get to see some of the neural net today?:_ she asked, excited, and she could feel his amusement.

_:_ _Ratchet insisted that if you are to leave the med bay you should be able to communicate with Autobots other than myself:_ Optimus said, _:We won’t be giving you full access, but I will allow you to contact your friends to spend time with you. And before you ask, Jazz is busy.:_

She knew he could feel her pout, but sighed. She had hoped, but Jazz was the SIC of the faction, so he did have a job to do. She sat back and felt Optimus’s attention on her, like a warm blanket wrapped around her shoulders in winter. She needed to pick a companion for the day. And Jazz was out because he was actually working apparently. There was a silent feeling of laughter from Optimus, and she grinned, _:I’ll believe he works when I see it.:_

There was more silent laughter and then, for the first time, she felt another presence in the neural net. She glanced around, and saw another ball of bio-luminescence. She drifted closter, noting how it was a warm color, pale yellow, verging on tan. Like old parchment. And it felt old too, like it had been around a very long time.

_:_ _Hello?:_ she asked, careful not to touch the glow. Optimus had informed her early on that doing so without permission was considered rude and inappropriate. The ball seemed to pulse for a moment, and it was a familiar feeling, _:Ratchet?:_

_:Hello, Elize,:_ The medic responded, and she felt a swell of pride from Optimus as she identified the spark-signature correctly. She drifted restlessly in the space, her eyes on the new presence as the silence stretched, and she blinked as a thought occurred.

_:_ _Are you guys talking?:_ she asked them. If they were, why couldn’t she hear them? Did they have some sortf of private channel or something that she didn’t have access to?

There was silence for a moment more, then, _:Apologies, Elize,:_ Optimus finally said, _:I forget that you aren’t used to this way of communication. We can open closed channels through the act of ‘pinging’._ _Would you like to try?:_

_“How?:_ she asked, instantly interested in the idea. She felt him nudge at her mind, a silent request for permission to send her a data burst of how it was done. She accepted and examined the data before nodding, _:Can I ‘ping’ anyone? Or is that not possible because I’m in here?:_

And just like that, she was suddenly aware of several more spark-signatures as Optimus loosened his grip a bit more, still keeping her in the firewalls, but letting her become aware of the Autobots all around her. She felt a tingle of anticipation run through her as she drifted around to look at the multicolored balls of bio-luminescence. There were blue and green, gold, so many choices about who to try and call.

It may have been inevitable that she found the gleaming silver luminescence the most welcoming, and she followed the instructions she had been given and _pinged_ the signature. It didn’t take more than a moment for the signature to follow her back and the voice that responded made her grin.

_:_ _Ellie! They fnally letting you out to come spend time with the rest of the world?:_ Jazz’s mental voice met hers and she knew her excitement gave her away as she felt the disapproval from Optimus. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

_:_ _Yeah, but I can’t go out alone. Orders of Doc Bot and Dadbot. Though I do get limited access to the neural net out of it too. Dadbot said you were busy though.:_

_:Yeah, sorry Ellie,:_ Jazz said, _:But tell you what._ _Sam and Bee are on base and that would give you two minders for the day. Sam could use the company anyway.:_

_:Is something wrong?:_ Elize hadn’t had muc h chance to spend time with Sam or Bee before her change, what with Sam off at College and Bumblebee there with him.

_:His college was attacked again,:_ Jazz said quietly, _:A faction of humans who wanted to use him against us, or blamed him for our presence here or something. Boss bot put his pede down. Sam is now under the protection of the Autobots, and a citizen of Deigo Garcia. He isn’t taking it well.:_

_:Oh,:_ Elize nodded, _:I’ll ask Optimus,:_ she told him.

_:Next time, Ellie,:_ Jazz promised, _:Next time I’ll be your guide.:_

She felt him cut off the communication and she drew back to the Creator Bond thoughtfully. She herself had never had a problem renouncing her citizenship and joining Deigo Garcia. There hadn’t been much for her there anyway, and the fact she was at the time a Techno-Organic left her no choice anyway. For Sam, who had to leave everything behind, it had to be hard.

_:_ _Optimus,:_ she asked, _:Would it be okay to ask Bumblebee if he and Sam want some company today?:_

There was surprise, and a pause before, _:I suppose. I have Bumblebee taking care of Sam while he settles in. You haven’t spent much time with either of them, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask.:_

Elize nodded, then hovered back out to see if she could figure out which spark-signature belonged to Bumblebee. There were a few she was absolutely sure of. She knew Jazz easy, and the serious liquid steel colored one felt like Prowl. So she skipped those two and hopped over to the next set of spheres. These two were easy, because aside from the color, one reddish gold and the other blue-white, they never strayed far from one another. The twins, had to be.

The next few took some examining. The two bouncing one, with way more energy than they had any right to have, had to be Skids and Mudflap. And the luminescence that glowed like a a candle-flame felt protective, and strong and she made the guess of Ironhide. After flitting past a few more, she found an orb that glowed a gentle, soft blue. It wasn’t at all familiar, and she tentatively _pinged_ it.

_:Hello?:_ It had to be Bumblebee. She knew the voice of every bot that spent time on base regularly.

_:_ _Hello,:_ Elize returned the greeting, _:You’re Bumblebee, right? Sorry about this, you might not remember me. We’ve only met once. I’m Elize.”_

_:Oh! Phoenix!:_ the voice was much more welcoming, _:Prime is allowing you to use the neural network now?:_

_:Ah, yes!:_ she responded, almost bowled over by the sudden bust of energy, _:I’m all clear to leave the med bay too, but not without another Autobot. I was wondering if you and Sam would enjoy some company today? It’s fine if you’d rather not. I can ask someone else.:_

_:Let me ask Sam,:_ Bumblebee responded, _:He was asking about you the other day, wondering what had happened to you.:_

She was surprised by that, but she knew the ‘bots had to be talking about her. Or they must have been all those months ago. She shifted back and forth, both in the neural net and physically as she waited for an answer.

_:_ _Sam says it’s fine,:_ Bumblebee finally sent back, _:Says since he’s scheduled for a follow up with Ratchet anyway, about his injuries. Said we might as well pick up a new friend on the way out.:_

_:Sounds like a plan,:_ Elize sent back, leaning against the berth, _:I’ll let Ratchet know. And ‘Bee? Thanks. I’m a bit stir crazy.:_

All she got in response to that was a wave of simple reassurance before the communication was cut. She pulled her processor away from the neural net then, shuttering her optics for a moment as she found herself once again in the med bay.

“Sam is coming in for his follow-up,” she said after a moment, looking up at the medic, “And he and Bumblebee have agreed to watch me for the day. I guess Sam has been asking about me.”

“That’s no surprise. I had him in here for two weeks after the attack on the college. He had questions about you then too. Now that you’re back with us, he’s probably been wanting to meet you.”

She blinked, realizing how long Sam must have been on base by that description. He had been here while she was still in the process of on-lining. She glanced back down at herself, wondering if they could even equate her to what she had looked like before, as a human, or as her squishy, half-formed alt. Speaking of…

“When can I get an alt-form?” she asked Ratchet, curious. The medic glanced at her, then back to his screens.

“Once your last system if fully online, which should happen once you start going outside as it’s part of your external sensor array, I’ll think about it.”

She rolled her optics as the doors opened and a flashy yellow camero with racing stripes rolled in. She smiled as the driver side door opened and a human boy of around twenty stepped out. He had unruly, dark hair and eyes. He looked up at her, and smiled. She knelt knowing how annoying it could be to continually look up at the ‘Bots.

“Hey,” she greeted, offering him a servo, “Sam, right. We met once, a while ago. Back before-” she stopped, gesturing to herself with the other servo. The boy nodded, steeping into her hand with easy trust. She carefully lifted him to place him on the berth behind her as Bumblebee transformed.

“Yeah. You were just Elize back then, right?” he said, and she nodded, leaning against the berth again as they waited for Ratchet to be ready.

“To be fair, I would still prefer to be Elize, or Elle, at least outside of combat,” she said, and Sam blinked, then nodded.

“It would be strange to suddenly have another name, wouldn’t it?” he asked as ‘Bee stepped up next to Elle, and Ratchet turned and waved them both out.

“I’ll send Sam out when we’re done here,” he said, “I don’t need ‘Bee hovering. Elize, please be careful. And don’t let her do anything reckless.”

“Would I do anything reckless, Doc Bot?” she asked him, but obediently wade her way toward the door, Bumblebee walking beside her. She ignored his scoff as the door swished shut behind them. She glanced at the yellow scout, her gaze curious, “Thanks for this,” she said again, “I was starting to go a bit stir crazy.”

Bumblebee nodded, “Understandable,” he said, “I can remember having Optimus as a creator when I first sparked. We were in the middle of the war then and he didn’t have a choice but to send me into battle, but even then he did his best to keep me off the most dangerous missions. Since we’re not actively fighting right now, I imagine he’s going to keep you out of battle completely as long as possible.”

Elize sighed, “That’s all well and good,” she said, “But I’d at least try and get some practice in with my martial arts. Relearning how to walk has shown me I’ll need to make adjustments for my new size. I’d rather be prepared than not, you know?”

Bumblebee nodded with a sympathetic trill. She chuckled, leaning against the wall behind her, “How is Sam doing? Jazz said he’s having a hard time adjusting.”

‘Bee sighed, “He’s getting there. At least he was willing to come see Ratchet today.”

“Some resentment?” _That_ Elize could easily understand. She had had that phase after being told she was changing and there was nothing the medic could to do stop it without it killing her.

“A bit.”

She nodded slowly, not sure if she could really say much more than that. Instead she changed the subject, “Got any plans for today?”

“We were going to head up to the bluff,” Bumblebee said, “Or the beach, if Ratchet says Sam can swim. It’s pretty isolated.”

She blinked at him, wondering why he had included that for a moment. Then she took a sharp intake through her vents, and glanced at the door. Was he saying..

“No one would be likely to see us before we picked them up on our scanners,” he said with an indirect sort of ton, and she couldn’t help but grin.

“You don’t say. Sound like a nice place. I think it’s a great idea.”

\----------------------

Once the three of them had left, Sam with a clean bill of health from Ratchet and a warning not to strain himself if he went swimming, Ratchet turned back to his scans of the newest member of the Autobots. He had been checking over her specs when he noticed a few inconsistencies, and he was waiting for the others, Jazz, Ironhide, and Optimus, to arrive to discuss them. There would be an issue with her training considering the way she was built cause Ratchet wasn’t entirely sure what her build was for.

The door opened and the three mechs arrived, transforming quickly to join the medic looking at the screens. Ratchet nodded absently at them all, “Thank you for coming,” he said, finally turning away from the screen to greet them.

Ironhide huffed, “What’s going on Ratchet?” he said, “What do you mean by ‘I don;t know what Elize is’?”

Ratchet rubbing his faceplates tiredly, I was trying to determine what her frame was built for, whether she’s a frontliner, a scout, a gunner,” he shrugged, “Even a medic. But there are a few inconsistencies with the way her frame is put together, and I was hoping one of you might have an idea.”

“What do you mean by inconsistencies?” Jazz asked, “She’s a little taller than the average femme, but that’s not a big deal.”

Ratchet gestured to the screen behind him, “Look for yourself,” he said, and let the mechs gather around the computer to read the scans. He nodded as he saw them frown in the same confusion he had felt when he looked at the scans.

Because the build didn’t lend itself to any build that he had seen before. While her general size and build, slim with lighter than average plating and a powerful engine, the initial idea he had was that she was a scout model. But when he had run deeper scans, he had found oddities that didn’t fit with the scout model.

Her inner frame was heavy, with reinforced struts, as though she sould be carrying much heavier armor. And with her height that would push her in the direction of her being a close combat build, but her light armor belied that as an idea.

And she only had one cannon, on the servo that had been her dominant hand as a human. And it was much more powerful than her energy reserves could support steady fire. So a gunner class was out of the question. Her whole build was a mass of contradictions. And if they couldn’t figure out what she was, her training was going to be a sticky thing.

“What the slag is this?” Ironhide finally shouted. Ratchet nodded, and saw Ironhide’s frustration echoed on Optimus’s faceplates. Jazz however was looking thoughtfully at the scans, and Ratchet could only wonder what the Saboteur was thinking. Jazz was likely the one who knew Elize best, and he might be seeing something they weren’t.

“I understand where you are confused, Ratchet,” Optimus said, “It’s hard to see what role she is meant to play in battle with such a frame.”

Jazz’s expression didn’t change as Optimus and Ironhide started to talk about what she could possibly be built to do, and what kind of combat would suit her best. Ratchet could almost see the metaphorical gears turning for Jazz while the other two argued.

“Jazz,” Ratchet interrupted the other two, “You’re the one who knows her best. What are you seeing when you see her scans.”

The SIC glanced at the medic, then back at the scans, “You want to know what I see?”

“If you can make sense of it, it’s more than I can do,” Ironhide said, She’s got bits and pieces of everything.”

“She’s a close-combat build,” Jazz said, and the three gave him a questioning look, “The cannon is a last resort. Something to use only if she gets overwhelmed.”

“Where are you getting that idea?” Optimus asked, frowning, “Her plating is too light. OR will she develop thicker plating since her frame can support it?”

“The frame and reinforced struts aren’t to support her own weight,” Jazz said, “Look here, see how she can use explosive power? It’s not for speed.”

“Then what is it supposed to support?” Ratchet looked back at the scans.

“Whoever she wants, I imagine,” Jazz said, “This frame is personalized to her unique skill set. She’s told us what she is before.”

“How would she know?” Optimus asked, before it dawned on Ratchet what Jazz was getting at. With a new thought in his processors, he looked at the scans again.

“By Primus,” Ratchet said, “Is it that simple?”

Jazz smirked at the medic, “Like I said Hatchet. She’s already told us what she is.”


	7. One Step Forward

**Chapter Se** **ven**

**One Step Forward**

Once she was free of Ratchet’s constant supervision, Elize was quick to establish a routine. She would be given a few options to choose from for her escort of the day, and then she and whoever she chose would make their way around Diego Garcia until she convinced them to take her to the beach. Sam and Bumblebee had become another set of her favorites, and ‘Bee had even begun asking her about and learning her forms to practice with her when Sam had classes.

She was still meeting with her therapist, but only once a week now. Talking with Dr. Hale was the best thing that Ratchet and Optimus could have forced her to do at the time, and she was feeling much less negative about herself now that they had sifted through the worst of what she did remember from her captivity.

She had finally skimmed her file from Sector 7, with Dr. Hale there of course. The therapist had insisted on looking through the file with her in case of panic attacks or something of the sort. Though what the woman thought she could do if the 18’ tall Autobot had a panic attack Elize had no idea. She supposed Optimus would have to alert Ratchet in that case, or attend to her himself and that would have made her feel horribly guilty.

As soon as that thought crossed her processors, she felt the gentle admonishing tap against her spark signature. That was something she still needed to work on, that she felt like a burden to the Autobots, and to Optimus Prime in particular since he had taken on the Creator-Bond on top of all of his other responsibilities. Another admonishing tap had her ex-venting and pulling her thoughts back to her current task.

She finished her forms, feeling much more satisfied at her speed. She was nowhere near where she had been before the change, but she was definitely improving. She turned to watch Bumblebee as he also ran through the final stages and smiled.

“You’re getting better,” she said, “Just remember not to rush it. Speed will come with time and practice-”

“It’s more important to get the move right than to do them fast,” Bumblebee finished for her and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’ve heard me say that a few times,” she teased, rocking back a bit on her pedes. It was becoming easier to think of her body as Cybertronian the more she got used to using it. Her systems had finally finished calibrating, and Optimus had even mentioned her getting a proper alt-mode as some point in the near future.

Elize glanced up at Bumblebee as he looked back toward base. She shook her head, “Right. Sam is going to be done with his online classes soon, right? Shall we go back then? So you can pass me off to whoever is next in the rotation?”

‘Bee chuckled and nodded, “If it makes you feel any better, Jazz said that he’s going to take you around this evening because he wants to and no one is going to stop him.”

She could feel her optics light, and she was delighted to feel a _ping_ from a familiar spark signature. She accepted happily, and felt the communication channel open on the neural net. She was still mostly inside the Creator-Bond, but Optimus had lowered the firewalls enough to let the other ‘Bots _ping_ her. It was easier to keep track of who was watching her that way.

_:_ _Jazz!:_ Elize’s internal voice was delighted, _:_ _We finally get to spend a day together?:_

As it turned out her transformation had generated quite a bit of paperwork and issues that needed clarification, and the timing had been compounded by another set of new arrivals she had yet to meet. Bumblebee and the Twins had been happy to tell her what they knew of them, Bulkhead, Beachcomber, Ultra Magnus and Red Alert. While Bulkhead and Beachcomber didn’t seem to have any issues with her from what she had heard, and Red Alert was eager to meet her, she’d heard Ultra Magnus had objected to the Creator-Bond between her and Optimus.

That had caused it’s own issues, as Ultra Magnus was in charge of the civilian operations in Diego Garcia, and since she hadn’t been deemed battle ready it technically included her. Optimus had assured her that he would take care of it, but the paperwork and bureaucracy had kept the SIC and TIC tied up for weeks.

_:Sure am,:_ Jazz sent back, sounding relaxed, _:Sunny is covering my patrol shift this evening because I’m the Second in Command of the Autobots and I said so.:_

Elize rolled her eyes, _:Are you sure that isn’t an abuse of power?:_ she asked him, walking after Bumblebee back toward base as she kept part of her processor on the conversation.

_:You know me,:_ Jazz said, then chuckled, _:He offered, actually. Said that it was ridiculous that Ultra was being so difficult about the whole thing. Meet you at the edge of base?:_

_:We’re already on our way there,:_ Elize said, _:You aren’t waiting for us are you?:_

But of course he was, leaning against a wall of the base as they crested the last hill. Elize rolled her optics as she walked down the hill, Bumblebee stepping onto the road and transforming to go pick up Sam. She waved at the camero as it sped by her, then stepped up to look… down at Jazz.

It had startled her a lot when she woke and found herself nearly as tall as Ratchet. Now looking at Jazz gave her the same sense of needing to adjust. She was taller than ‘Bee too, but that was different somehow. She hadn’t spent as much time with the scout as she had with Jazz, and so looking down on her friend was more than a little disconcerting.

“Hey,” she greeted, and the saboteur grinned.

“Look at you, all grown up and taller than me,” he drawled, “Sunny really did a good job on your paint.”

She glanced down at her body, and nodded. It wasn’t her first choice, but she knew fantastic work when she saw it, and Sunny’s work on her paint was something great. When she had first stepped outside, she had noticed how it shimmered like fire in the sun. Sure she stood out like a sore thumb, but she was definitely pretty, and she could appreciate that.

“It’s good to see you again, Jazz,” she said, “You got any plans for our day out together?”

He grinned, “Thought I might take you around where we store the cars that we have for scanning,” he said, and she gave him a look. She could hear the ‘but’ in those words, “But Boss Bot says no for now. So how about some work on the training field instead?”

\-------------------------------

It turned out that what Jazz meant was that he wanted to spar with her, and see how she was doing on her hand-to-hand combat. It was nice to be able to actually use what she had been practicing over the last few weeks. And as the sparring match got underway, she could feel herself sliding into the smooth response to the forms and blows she had drilled into her muscles over the last five years. They didn’t do any serious fighting, but by the end of the match she was certain her muscle memory from her time as a human had somehow carried over into her new form.

There was a certain satisfaction to catching one of Jazz’s blows and flipping him over her hip, neat as you please. He recovered almost instantly, but she had done it and that made her feel better about her abilities. Jazz seemed pleased as well, and continued to work with her over the next few days to get her even more comfortable in her plating. Prowl joined in when he could as well, but she had yet to try battling an opponent who was significantly larger than her. There was a logic to that, she supposed, it would be better to do so when she was fully confident in herself.

All the same, from what she understood from her lessons with Jazz and Prowl, most Decepticons that were close combat builds were going to be larger than her. She had tried to argue it would be better to practice in the safety of the base against other ‘Bots before trying it against a ‘Con that was actively trying to offline her. She was overruled. Just as she had assumed, Dadimus Prime was bound and determined to keep her out of the line of fire for as along as possible.

Too bad it seemed the Decepticons had other ideas.

\------------------------

Around two months after she had on-lined, Elize was once again at the beach with Bumblebee. She could have practiced on the field in the base, but she liked it out here, when it was quieter and the sounds of the ocean helped her find her center while running through her forms.

They were sitting back on the beach, forms done and just enjoying the sunshine and sound of the ocean. Elize was letting her mind drift through the neural net, not talking or pinging, but simply looking around at the different spark-signatures. So when she was yanked back with a lurch, and the firewalls of the Creator-Bond slammed into place around her, she was a bit disoriented. Bumblebee was scrambling to his pedes and pulling her up as she reached for Optimus’s presence.

_:_ _What’s going on?:_ she asked, catching herself when she stumbled and beginning to sptirnt toward the base.

_:_ _Return to base, immediately, Phoenix,:_ Optimus snapped, _:We have Decepticons incoming.:_

Elize glanced at Bumblebee, “Bumblebee,” she said, “Get to Sam. Now. I’m just slowing you down.”

‘Bee went to shake his helm, “Prime said-”

“’Bee!” she snapped, “Go! I can take care of myself and Sam can’t! Go! I’ll handle Optimus and Ratchet and anyone else who tries to blame anything that happens to me on you!”

He looked at her for a long moment, then nodded, “Thank you,” he said, then transformed and raced off toward base in his alt form. Phoenix, and she had to think of herself as Phoenix now, she had made the choice herself, sprinted toward the relative safety of the base. She was only about halfway there when a glowing portal erupted just to her left, and a large shape came charging out.

She jumped back, narrowly avoiding the attack as the ‘Con rushed past her. She sent a message to Optimus, but shoved the neural net back from the front of her mind as she took a stance and faced down against the ‘Con that had emerged. She could feel the Prime trying to reach her, but this ‘Con had several feet on her, and he was far bulkier as well. She couldn’t afford distractions and snapped the thought at Optimus as she focused on her opponent.

The Decepticon straightened and she could see the portal wink out of existence. They must have determined that only one opponent was needed to engage the lone ‘Bot. She couldn’t let them be right.

A quick search through the information she had been given revealed the ‘Con in front of her was called Breakdown, and he preferred hand to hand combat over using a cannon. That made her both more comfortable, and more wary. She didn’t waver in her stance, her optics cataloging weak points, joints, the space between plating, and naturally the faceplates are always an option.

Breakdown turned to her, looking her over in a way that made her more than a bit uncomfortable, “So you’re the new femme the Autobots have found,” he said, “You’re something to look at after all.”

She felt the outrage from Optimus, and knew he was listening in on the conversation. She growled a bit, meeting Breakdown’s optics with her own.

“Looking is free,” she said, “But you try to touch me and I start breaking you.”

He chuckled, a low, threatening sound, “Oh? Tough talk for a simple Scout. You really think you can break me?”

Her optics narrowed, “Shouldn’t be too hard,” she quipped, “Big, slow guy like you? I think I can manage.”

_:_ _There is backup on the way,:_ Optimus murmured over the Creator-Bond. She ignored him as Breakdown stepped closer to her, reaching out with one massive servo.

“Oh yeah?” he said, and she struck hard and fast at the wrist joint, throwing off his aim. He let out a shout at the sudden jarring impact to the sensitive joint.

“Hands off,” she growled, “Or I start dismantling you.” She had returned to her original stance, and was ready to move at a moments notice.

The look she got now was much more direct, and the next move was an all out attack. She ducked under the blow, getting in close and striking twice, hard, against the edges of the mid-plates. He grunted and stepped back, and she didn’t let up. She followed him forward with sharp, precise strikes aimed at joints, and at times striking between plates to dig into the wiring underneath and pulling.

He brought his arm down, and she twisted to the side and stepped back, looking him over with a calculating optic. She wasn’t dealing any major damage, she’d have to work on that for the future, but she was hurting him, and he was more wary of her now, and they slowly circled each other.

If it weren’t for his blatant disgusting attitude toward her, she might have regretting the next thing that happened. Maybe. Or not.

But the next heavy blow that Breakdown threw triggered a response that she had learned and programmed into herself when she was still human. She sidestepped and grabbed the wrist joint in her own servo and turned, pulling his entire arm across the front of her body. He stumbled on his pedes, and hit his knees when she pulled him toward her. Keeping a firm grip on the joint, she brought her other servo up to grab his upper arm.

Then, without shuttering an optic, she snapped her knee up into his elbow with explosive power.

There was a sickening _crunch_ as her knee came up and she pushed down with her servo, and Breakdown _screamed_. She released him stepping back and watching as the entire lower half of the arm went limp and bent the wrong way. He stumbled back, and from some unseen signal, the portal exploded back into existence, and the ‘con stumbled through. Phoenix stayed on guard until the glowing passage closed.

As she ex-vented sharply, she turned to resume her journey to base, only to find herself staring at Sunstreaker, Hot Rod, and Jazz, who was smirking.

She glanced back the way she had come, then down at the mechs who continued to stare, “Something on my faceplates?”

“What did you just do?” Sunny asked, optics wide and she realized they must have arrived in time to see her snap Breakdown’s joint. She rubbed the back of her helm before she finally responded.

“Self-defense?”

\------------------------------  
  


There was still plenty of fighting to be done once they got back to base, but Phoenix was kept back from it when possible. She felt that was entirely unfair considering she had just proved she could at least hold her own in a battle. But her three escorts took her straight to the nearest safe house to stand guard. While she rode the elevator down into the safe house, she ran a diagnostic and found a few minor injuries, nothing serious. If Breakdown had been taking her seriously that fight would have gone very differently.

She could feel that Optimus was distracted, and leaned back against the wall of the safe house, watching the humans. Over in the corner she could see Bumblebee and Sam, and she waved. She turned her mind back to the creator-bond ever so briefly, to ensure that Dadbot was fully occupied, then made a decision.

This would probably get her in trouble, but she didn’t mind so much at the moment. She had been an adult when she was human, and now she was being treated like a child. Well fine, if that’s the way they wanted it, that’s the way it would be.

\----------------------------

It took several days in the aftermath of the battle for her to find what she was looking for. And she had to wait until Optimus was in recharge to sneak over in the middle of the night and do what she needed to. The slight repositioning of her armor made made her think of what it had felt like to transform before the full and final change. After it settled, she returned to her hangar, she had been given one after the attack because there were too many injured in the attack.

Once she walked in, she summoned up the feeling of the transformation, and after a disorienting shift, she was in her brand new form. She practiced moving around the hangar a bit, getting the hang of how it felt to look around from this height. She spent most of the night practicing to put her plan, however childish it was, into motion.

This would be the most fun she’d have for a long time, she suspected. But it would be so worth it. As she transformed back to her bi-pedal mode, she let her processor go to check and see if anyone had been put in charge of her for the next day. She’d been without a minder for a few days, with the injured being treated she had managed to slip past their notice.

She smirked as she realized that it held true for the next day too. She wondered how long it would take for them to realize what she was doing. At least Sunny and Sides would get a kick out of it. Jazz would probably scold her. Ratchet would be furious. And Dadbot… Well, she’d worry about that when the time came.

\------------------------

_:Prime:_ Optimus was a bit taken aback by the hostile tone in Ratchet’s message, _:Where is she?:_

_:I’m assuming that you mean Elize?:_ he asked, a bit tired from all the meetings and keeping tabs on the repairs to the base.

_:Naturally,:_ Oh, Ratchet was definitely not happy, _:Her weekly medical check was scheduled for this morning and she never arrived.:_

Optimus frowned, already reaching out in the Creator-bond to locate his wayward charge, _:Has anyone seen her today?:_

_:_ _No one seems to have seen her at all for the past few days,:_ Ratchet said, _:I am certain she’s still on base, but no one seems to know where on base she is.:_

Optimus found her spark-signature. She was uncharacteristically silent, and for a moment he wondered if she was in recharge. He had gotten her after action report, and a glance through his processor revealed that to be the last time he had communicated with her before now. He frowned, and felt Ratchet’s disapproval across the neural net.

_:Optimus, you have been keeping an eye on her, haven’t you?:_ The medic was clearly not happy at this turn of events. Optimus ex-vented and pressed a hand to his faceplates.

_:I’ll find her and get her to the medical ba_ _y_ _immediately,:_ the leader of the Autobots said, _:Prowl and Jazz can cover for a few hours.:_

_:_ _Optimus-:_

_:I’m aware that I haven’t been as diligent as I should have with her newspark, Ratchet,:_ Optimus said, _:_ _I’m sorry old friend. I will do better.:_

_“See that you do, Optimus,:_ Ratchet told him, _:She’s developing quickly, which means she will need to be monitored closely.”_

Optimus ex-vented again, sending a quick message to his Second and Third in command before transforming and heading out to find wherever Elize was hiding. And he was going to have to do what he should have done in the beginning and sit down and actually have a talk with her.

This was mostly on him, as he had expected her to act at least somewhat like a normal newspark, but she was a young adult by human standards before she sparked. He had been treating her like a child, and it was clear she resented that.

As he drove around, he kept part of his processor focused on her spark signature. She seemed to be at least partially at peace with what she was doing, though there was a slight mischievous edge to whatever she was up to. He let his sensors sweep the area as he drove, wondering how she could be hiding anyway. Then he saw Epps and Will walking down the street and trying to wave him down.

He rolled to a stop next to them, “Major Lennox, Chief Master Sargent Epps. Is there something you need from me?”

“Nothing much big guy,” Epps said, “Just wondering who the new arrival is on base.”

Optimus felt a sudden suspicion dawn on him, and he popped his doors, “A new arrival?” he asked, “Care to tell me about what you might mean?”

“There’s been a red Mclaren F1 driving around the base,” Epps said as he climbed in the passenger side while Will took the driver seat, “Seeing as there’s no one here on base that has said anything about dropping almost a million dollars on a car, I can only assume it’s an alt. And since you guys aren’t freaking out, I’m guessing it’s friendly.”

“Have you seen the car today?” Optimus asked, and Will nodded. The truck started to drive again, tuning it’s attention to the road.

“It was parked over behind the Ark when we met with Ultra Magnus earlier,” Will supplied, We called out, but they didn’t say anything. Must have been in recharge.”

“Where were you two headed?” Optimus asked, “I’ll drop you off and go speak to the ‘new arrival’ you spotted.”

“We were going to the mess,” Epps said, trading looks with Will, “Something we should know, Prime?”

“I believe I know who the ‘new arrival’ is,” Optimus said, “And you have both met her. Just not since she fully on-lined.”

Will’s eyebrows rose, “It’s not Elize, is it? Ironhide said she wasn’t supposed to have an alt yet.”

_“_ She isn’t,” Optimus said, “I believe she adopted an alt to try and hide from Ratchet and myself.”

“Anything you need help with?” Epps asked, “We can talk to her if you want.”

“No,” the semi said as he pulled up outside the mess hall, “This happened because I wasn’t being careful enough with the responsibilities of the Creator-Bond. I will have to talk to her about this myself.”

“Good luck, big guy,” Will said, “I don’t envy you.”

Optimus just ex-vented and wished the soldiers a good day as he set off toward the West Quad and the Ark.

_:Ratchet, it seems that Elize has found what was a clever way to hide from the rest of us.:_

_:Oh?:_

_:She’s currently parked behind the Ark. In her alt mode.:_

_:She’s not supposed to have a-:_

_:Exactly.:_

Ratchet unleashed a string of Cybertronian curses and Optimus just waited until he was done before continuing the conversation.

_:I’m on my way to meet with her, and will have her in your med bay by the end of the day.:_

_:Understood.:_ The contact cut suddenly, and Optimus switched his attention back to the newspark that he could see that much more clearly as he grew closer to where she had hidden.

\----------------------------

Elize was enjoying the feeling of the sun on her plating, sitting behind the Ark in a half-doze. She knew she was probably due for a recharge cycle, but she was enjoying her new form, and found it surprisingly nice to meditate like this. Not that she was meditating at the moment. That would likely send her straight into recharge.

She couldn’t believe that she didn’t hear the rumbling from the engine of the semi that pulled up next to her. The gentle reprimand from the Creator-Bond jolted her into full awareness however, and she remained still as she tried to pull away from that suddenly far too close presence. Optimus wasn’t having that however, and kept her close as he spoke.

“Ratchet told me you missed your appointment,” Optimus started. She didn’t respond, careful to not give in to the sudden urge to rock on her wheels or simply peel out and run. Not like she would get far anyway.

She did however reach back in her processor because, what appointment? Her appointment with Dr. Hale wasn’t until tomorrow. And she didn’t recall- Oh.

“Yes, oh,” Optimus said, answering the thought she never voiced, “How long has it been since you last recharged?”

She did her best not to, really she did, but her processor was already doing the math and she even surprised herself to find it had been nearly a week. How had that happened?

There was a pulse of _worry_ and _frustration_ from Optimus. She ex-vented, and finally spoke.

“I’m sorry I missed my appointment,” she said, “But I am not sorry for getting an Alt mode or taking advantage of the freedom I got when everyone got too busy to monitor me. I’m not a child.”

There was silence from the semi, then, “I understand that now,” he finally said, “I apologize, Elize. I should have been more attentive. With your permission,” she felt a flash of surprise and knew he felt it too, “And after you meet with Ratchet and recharge, I believe we should sit down and properly talk about this. As it stands however, you need to go in for your weekly check, and you re running extremely low on energy.”

She felt herself sag on her tires, and Optimus seemed to nod, “Ratchet will also want to speak with you.”

“Er-” she rolled back slightly, realizing the CMO was likely very upset that she had missed her appointment, and how much more upset he would become when he realized how long it had been since her last recharge.

“Elize,” Optimus said, “Ratchet is upset, yes. But this is as much on myself as it is on you. As the one in charge of the Creator-Bond I should have been keeping a closer eye on your spark signature to keep things like this from happening. You are still very new to this, and not used to being able to be active for multiple days. You’ll become more familiar with your limits in time.”

Elize ex-vented sharply, “Alright,” she finally said, “Then I suppose we should just bite the bullet and go see Doc bot?”

The feeling of resignation from Optimus was all she needed to know this was not going to be fun.

\-----------------------

The drive to the med bay was quiet, and Optimus had Elize lead the way to make sure the stayed the course and actually went. As they pulled through the doors, Elize transformed, almost falling when she stumbled. A servo locked around her upper arm and steadied her before straight up lifting her to sit on the berth.

It took a moment for her optics to focus and she found herself staring at an obviously furious Ratchet. She shuttered her optics for a moment, and Ratchet snarled as he ran scans over her while Optimus transformed. The medic turned to give the semi a glare before heading to the energon dispenser and returned to shove a cube into Elize’s servos.

“Drink that now,” he said, “We need to talk about some rather important things and then you’re going to recharge right here in the med bay until we can trust you to not do anything this dangerous again.”

She glared, but took a drink. It did feel soothing as the energon let her perk up just a bit. She leaned back on one servo as she sipped the drink, glancing between the two mechs. There was a certain tension in the air and she felt like she was not gong to enjoy this conversation at all.

“Prime,” Ratchet’s vocalizer was clipped and Elize winced at the tone, “I trusted you to monitor Elize’s newspark and you told me you would handle it. And while you did a fine job of caring for the spark until it fully on-lined, you have been very busy since.”

Elize frowned, “Ratchet, so what? I don’t need a minder all the time. I’m not a child.”

“Not by human standards,” Ratchet said, “But by out standards you are a newspark. And neglected newsparks have a tendency to destabilize. And that ends in madness or death. Or both,” the medic looked at Optimus, hard.

“You’re right, old friend,” Optimus acknowledged, “I had forgotten how much attention a newspark requires. It will not happen again.”

“No, it won’t,” Ratchet said, “Because I’m not leaving this up to only you from now on.”

Elize blinked, and Optimus looked thoughtful, “Another Creator-Bond?” Optimus asked, and Elize jolted into sitting upright.

“Excuse me!?” she said, “What exactly are you even suggesting?”

Ratchet looked over at her, “A newspark can be supported by multiple Creator-bonds. In this case, I would also establish a Creator-Bond with your newspark so that someone is keeping tabs on your development at all times.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Optimus admitted, “It would give an extra layer of protections and an extra support if I have to leave base for a long mission.”

“I’m glad you agree,” Ratchet said, “Then once I finish her exam-”

“Don’t I have a say in this!?” Elize demanded, “I don’t need another ‘Bot in my head keeping track of me!”

The look Ratchet gave her was cold, but she was not cool with this. She was an adult. She could take care of herself!

“The little stunt you pulled, getting an alt when you were expressly told not to and actively hiding from the rest of us out of petty spite shows that you do in fact, need someone keeping track of you. As your medic I can say, no, you do not get a say in this.”

She gaped at him, then turned her optics on Optimus, “You’re not going to let him do this?”

The leader of the Autobots met her optics with a steady gaze, and she knew she had already lost the fight, “Elize…”

“No! You’ve got to be kidding me! I refuse!”

They both ex-vented harshly, then Ratchet spoke. “Prime?”

“I’ll take care of it, Ratchet,” Optimus said, and Elize suddenly felt him _right there_ in the Creator-Bond. She tried to jerk herself back, but knew it was pointless as he felt a gentle push that sent her straight into deep recharge.

_\-----------------------_

Optimus caught Elize before she could tumble off the berth, shifting her around to lay her down for her recharge. He glanced at Ratchet, who gave him a long look. Then he shuttered his optics and dropped the firewalls of the Creator-Bond. He stepped back as Ratchet activated his own Creator programming.

“I fear this will bring only resentment, old friend,” Optimus told the CMO, who nodded grimly, but continued establishing the Creator-Bond and checking the newspark. He frowned, then set about getting the firewalls in place.

“I know,” he told Optimus, “But I will not risk her health or sanity because she doesn’t understand the risks she is taking.”

Optimus ran a servo down his faceplates. She had been settling in so well up to this point, and had been doing better with the help of Dr. Amelia Hale. He feared this would be a huge set back to all of her hard won progress.


	8. Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this update is a little late. Apologies! Please enjoy this new chapter all the same!

**Chapter Eight**

**Two Steps Back**

Elize was curled up on her berth, her quarters dark and the door locked, and had her spark-signature curled tight into herself. She could feel Optimus and Ratchet nearby, the first concerned and upset, the second concerned and angry, but she didn’t care. She simply curled tighter into herself, ignoring them trying to cajole her out of her room.

She wasn’t being entirely stupid. She drank the energon that they left outside the door to her quarters. And she had recharged when she felt her energy levels running low. But she wasn’t going to talk to them. She couldn’t bring herself to trust them right now.

She had skipped two appointments with Dr. Hale, and that was probably why she felt so low. She was doing her best to keep herself grounded. She was even doing her forms each day. But this… this wasn’t okay. They made the decision for her. How could she possibly trust them after that?

When the door to her quarters hissed open, she didn’t move from where she was curled up on the berth, “I told them I’d break the faceplates of the next ‘Bot to come in here.”

“I don’t think that would make Ratchet very happy,” the familiar drawl made her tense a bit before relaxing and lifting her help to look at her visitor,

“Nothing seems to make Hatchet very happy. How did you even get in here, Jazz?” she asked, so emotionally wrung out she didn’t even care anymore.

“I’m a saboteur.” he said, like it was an explanation. He looked her over, then reached out to grab her servo, “C’mon Ellie,” he said, “Everyone is worried about you. Let’s at least get you out of your room for a few hours.”

She nearly pulled her servo free, but stopped herself. With a sharp ex-vent, she allowed the SIC to pull her from the room. He reached down and picked up a cube, which he handed her, and she drank the offered energon without saying a word. As he pulled her out of the Autobot barracks, she almost groaned at the feeling of the sun on her plating.

“Feels better than sitting around in your dark room all day, doesn’t it?” he asked, and she shot him a look. He just grinned, and pulled her out toward the road, “You got yourself an alt-form. How about you learn how to use it?”

She frowned, then felt the other presences, both of them, brighten in the Creator-Bond. She felt them drift toward her, and she nearly drew back, only to be caught by one. She could feel the almost clinical detachment and growled at Ratchet seemed to pat down her spark-signature, in search of what she wasn’t sure.

After it assured itself of her well-being, she felt the spark signature relax, then warm as it realized she was actually doing okay. She felt a sudden flash of guilt. She cursed, realizing that she must have worried them both, and everyone else if Jazz was to be believed. So she submitted herself to the inspection with a feeling of contrition and she could almost feel Ratchet’s snort from where she stood.

_:If you really feel that way, than get over here to the med bay for your appointment.:_ She winced at the clipped tone the medic used, and saw Jazz give her a sympathetic look.

_:I-:_ she took a breath, _:I’m sorry, Ratchet, and you too Optimus,:_ She could see the other spark signature brighten, _:Ratchet, could you contact Dr. Hale?:_

_:Of course,:_ the tone seemed moderately mollified, _:I’ll see if she has an opening later today. If you promise to actually attend.:_

She sent an affirmative across the bond, and glanced at Jazz, “Looks like I need to meet with Doc-Bot,” she said, “And I should see Optimus too.”

Jazz nodded, patting her shoulder, “That sounds like a plan, Ellie,” he told her, “Want me to come along?”

She actually thought about it for a moment before shaking her head, “I think the three of us need to work this out ourselves,” she told him with a wry expression, “Thanks for the offer though. Can we maybe spar a bit later?”

The SIC nodded with a grin, “Of course. And Ironhide has something for you too, to help you against larger opponents. I’ll see if he can meet us then.”

She nodded again then let herself slide into her alt-mode with a sigh. She did like this mode a lot, and with a flash of her lights, she turned onto the road to make her way to the med bay. She took her time, letting the sun soak into her plating and taking a look around the base as she drove.

As she grew close, she reached out hesitantly in the Creator-Bond, and became aware that both Optimus and Ratchet were awaiting her. She ex-vented softly, but continued into the med-bay. She transformed as he rolled inside, rather than wait to come to a full stop, and walked up to the two mechs. She met their optics, refusing to look away like a child caught in a lie.

“So,” she said, fighting the urge to put her servos on her hips, “We have a lot to talk about I assume.”

Optimus nodded, his expression thoughtful as Ratchet stepped over to help her to the berth. She shook her helm sharply.

“I’ll stand, thanks,” she said, “We’re having this talk right now because there’s been some serious boundary crossing from all sides and we’re going to deal with it.”

The two mechs looked at each other, then nodded. She looked between them, then nodded sharply, crossing her arms across her chassis, waiting expectantly for one of them to start with the explanations.

Optimus nodded again, then gave her a considering look, “How much did Arcee explain about bonds? Specifically Creator-Bonds?”

Elize hummed, thinking back to the conversation, “She told me that they are used to make sure a newspark develops properly, and that not all Cybertronians can establish them. We didn’t really go into that much detail on the subject.”

Ratchet hummed, “What she told you is the basics,” he told her, “What Creator-Bonds prevent in the long run is the creation and rearing of sparks that would turn into what humans refer to as Sociopaths or Psychopaths. They exist to create and maintain an emotional baseline for the newspark.”

“Don’t I already have that though?” she asked, frowning, “I mean, as a human I was an adult.”

“Would you call most of the actions you have taken since your on-lining something you would have done as an adult human?” Ratchet pointed out, and that brought her up short as she reviewed what had happened since her final change.

She slowly shook her helm, “Now that you mention it… It seems since then I’ve regressed. It feels like what I’ve been told puberty should have been like if I hadn’t, you know, been in a medical coma and experimented on for most of that time.”

The medic nodded, and Optimus met her optics, “Part of that is my fault. Had I been properly attending the Creator-Bond, you would likely have been farther along in development by now. I apologize for that.”

“Optimus was negligent, however accidental it might have been. Part of the reason for you increasingly extreme ‘mood swings’ as you would term them was your newspark beginning to deviate due to no set baseline. I intend to get you back on track as soon as possible by keeping you within the Creator-Bond for the foreseeable future.”

“No more Neural net?” she asked, kind of sad at that.

“Not until I have the deviation corrected I’m afraid,” Ratchet said, “I’ll keep you on schedule with Dr. Hale and myself, and arrange your escorts as needed. If you behave, I may let you wander around the base without a ‘keeper’ as you tend to phrase it.”

She she cycled her vents, then nodded slowly, “Alright,” she said, “Then now I get to talk. This would have gone so much smoother if you hadn’t just assumed and had explained things. And for the love of Primus, let me help you!”

She could feel Ratchet’s spark signature suddenly there, and the sudden burst of irrational anger and frustration lost it’s edge. She took another deep cycle through her vents, and actively tried to reign herself in. Primus, was this what it felt like to be a teenager?

Once she, with Ratchet’s assistance, had her back on a solid emotional footing, she returned to the topic at hand, “I don’t like feeling helpless, or that think I’m not able to at least take care of myself in a combat situation. Jazz and Prowl have both said that I’m combat ready. So let me actually help you instead of hiding me away like a child.”

The two mechs glanced at each other, and she realized that they we were having a conversation she was not privy to. She pressed her lips together, biting back the snarky phrase on the tip of her glossa. She could feel feel approval from both of the others at the attempt to keep herself grounded. It took her a moment to allow that approval to sink in. She could get used to this. She could let them help her.

After what felt like entirely too long, both mechs returned their attention to her. She looked between them, and Ratchet rubbed his faceplates, “Alright,” he finally said, “You will begin combat training with Ultra Magnus, Jazz, Prowl, and Ironhide, as well as any other mech who is willing and able to help, regularly from now on. And we will allow you to participate in missions so long as you agree to having a partner.”

She mulled that over, then gave them a slow nod, “That seems acceptable, for the moment,” she said, “We can renegotiate at a later date, when we’re all more comfortable with the Creator-Bond?”

There was a definite warmth from both the other spark-signatures at that, and she couldn’t keep herself from smiling at the comforting warmth. She felt the tension release from her back and shoulders, and watched as Ratchet stepped up and gestured to the berth again.

“Now that we have all that settled,” he said, “Can we get to work on the exam? You’ve missed another appointment and I want to run a diagnostic on your systems. And we need do discuss what happened with Breakdown.”

“I did mean to talk with you about that,” she said as she walked over and hopped up on the berth as he indicated, “I think I need to figure out how to pack a bit more of a punch. I don’t like having to resort to more extreme measures if I can avoid it, but I wasn’t doing enough damage to make him back off before that.”

The sudden turn in conversation seemed to take Optimus and Ratchet aback, and she tilted her head at them in question. They could feel her inquiry through the Creator-Bond she knew, and frowned when they didn’t respond at first.

“Isn’t this about me breaking his arm?” she asked, “I swear that’s not my go to, I don’t usually go about breaking the limbs of my opponents unless I absolutely have to.”

They glanced at her, before Optimus spoke slowly, “No, your actions in the combat itself aren’t what we wanted to talk about. In fact, the twins have been demanding to learn how you did break his arm like you did. No, this is about his words before the battle.”

“Oh, you mean the pretty obvious intent to possibly rape me?” she asked, and watcher the two jolt, “It’s not hard to guess what he was getting at, and I’m not an idiot. In any race with free will there will be people that will do terrible things. It’s part of the reason I did break his arm. I wasn’t taking any chances.”

She watched their faces, then vented, “Listen, I’ll be careful. But as long as I can help I still want to, and with you guys watching over my shoulders, and whoever you decide will be my partner going into combat, I’m sure I’ll be in good servos. If you really want me to talk about it, I’ll bring it up with Dr. Hale at my next appointment.”

That seemed to soothe them a bit as Optimus nodded and Ratchet spoke, “Which will be tomorrow morning and you will be there,” that was not a question.

“Yes, Doc-Bot,” she said, tilting her head to give him access to the port that would let him run the diagnostic, “I will. I have a feeling you’ll drag me there if you have too.”

The medic snorted, and she felt her spark swell with just that tiniest bit of happiness at the warmth she was feeling from both of other mechs in the Creator-Bond. She could deal with this. She could get used to this.

\--------------------------

Primus she was not getting used to this. In the last day, Ratchet had been more intrusive than Optimus had been in the entire time she had been in this form. That included the time she had been on the way to on-lining. She could feel his attention on her spark-signature almost constantly, unless she was being distracted.

Ironhide and Wheeljack had worked on a new weapon for her, a pair of knuckles that she could use to shock whatever she struck. She had asked if she could have the same for her elbows, knees and pedes, and the way Wheeljack’s optic had lit up at the prospect, she hoped he could manage it.

And now she was parked outside the therapists office to wait for Dr. Amelia Hale to emerge for her appointment. The therapist had apparently been happy to meet with her in her new alt-mode, seeing as it was better than kicking Ratchet out of his own medbay just so she could meet with Elize.

The woman emerged and smiled at the Mclaren. Elize responded by popping her driver-side door as the woman approached.

“Hello Elize,” the brunette greeted her in her crisp British-accent, “How are you today?”

Elize thought about that, “A bit on edge,” she admitted, “I’m not really used to the Creator-Bond.”

“Is the one you share with Ratchet different from the one you share with Optimus?” She could hear the woman already slipping into the appointment and she hummed.

“It isn’t really,” Elize said, “Not in the nature of it, but Ratchet is definitely more attentive. I think he’s always got part of his processor focused on me and I can feel it.”

“Does it make you feel uncomfortable?” Dr. Hale asked as she took out her notepad, and Elize thought about that too.

“Not really…?” she murmured, more a question, “Not now that I know why he’s doing it. I’m not thrilled, honestly. But he’s actually worried. He want’s me to be healthy and stable and this is how he knows to accomplish that.”

“And are you fine with it? Or is it bothering you?”

“Honestly?” the sound of a sigh rang through the cab, “I feel like he sees me as a toddler playing in traffic.”

Dr. Hale hummed, “I can understand that,” she said, “Have you asked them why they are so protective?”

“No,” Elize admitted, “I’m almost afraid to,” she remembered then, “Oh, they wanted me to talk to you about something else.”

“And what might that be?” Dr. Hale leaned forward in the seat.

“Were you told about the incident with Breakdown?” the ‘Bot asked, “In that last engagement?”

“I know you broke his arm,” Dr. Hale said, “Major Lennox mentioned it the other day. Did something happen?”

“Well,” she wished she could shrug in this form, “He may have threatened what might have been the Cybertronian equivalent of rape?”

She felt the atmosphere change, and the therapist leaned back with a hum, “I see. And how did that make you feel?”

“That I needed to defend myself?” Elize said, her tone confused, “They were just threats.”

“They didn’t worry you?”

Elize had a feeling this was going to be a long session.

\-----------------------------

Progress on all fronts was not moving as fast as Elize would hope.

She was back to two times a week with Dr. Hale, who was now insisting she be called Amy. And while training in combat with some mechs, like Ironhide, or Jazz, was going reasonably well, some mechs seemed to think she had no business with it. Ultra Magnus was the main one, though the newly arrived Ripcord didn’t seem overly fond of her either. But then he wasn’t a warrior and she didn’t really care what he thought.

She was now on her way to meet Ratchet again for another appointment, which was fine because she had a few questions. Questions that she had been assigned as ‘homework’ by Dr. Amy. She vented as she rolled up to the door of the med bay, transforming to walk in.

“I’m here, Doc-bot,” she called, “And I’m even early!”

Ratchet scowled and gestured to the berth, though she could feel the warmth from his spark signature telling her he wasn’t really that upset. She hopped up onto the berth, half turning to watch him as he prepared, “Hey Ratchet, can I ask you something?”

“I reserve the right to now answer, but you can always ask,” the medic said as he approached to run his scans.

“Why were you so worried about me?” at his questioning look, she elaborated, “When you said me signature was deviating. Why were you so worried?”

Ratchet gave her a long look, and she felt the pang of offense at the question. Then she thought of something. She let her feelings of puzzlement of what was so important about her bleed into the Creator-bond. She caught a flash of surprise from Optimus, but Ratchet now seemed to understand what she was actually asking and nodded.

“I see,” he said, “If that is the question then I can give you an answer. With the Allspark gone, even when it was still here, there was nothing more precious of Cybertron or to its people than a newspark.”

“Even if it used to be a human? Or a techno-organic I guess.”

“What you used to be doesn’t matter,” Ratchet said, “In every way that we perceive it, you are a newspark. While those of us with Creator-programming might feel it more strongly, all Cybertronians treasure newsparks.”

She thought about that, and nodded slowly, “I see,” she murmured, then tilted her head to allow him to run a diagnostic, “I didn’t realize.”

“Clearly,” Ratchet said, “And your other question?”

“About-” she stopped, then tried again, “About what Breakdown said,” he met her optics, searching, “As much as I hate to need this conversation… how would that… work?”

“What you’re asking about is called interfacing,” Ratchet said, “And for Cybertronians, it’s an interaction between spark signatures. If Breakdown had wanted to accomplish anything, he would have had to get you far enough away that the Creator-Bond was ineffective.”

She nodded slowly, “What happens if I do get separated from you guys?” she asked, leaning back on the berth.

Ratchet eyed her carefully before responding, “You would need to create and maintain your own firewalls. And now that I think about it, it might be best you learn that skill. I’ll speak with Optimus about it.”

\-------------------------

Her conversation with Ratchet gave her yet another set of lessons. Learning how to make her own firewalls wasn’t difficult so much as it was extremely annoying. First of all, since she had come to her current form from being human, she had no natural firewalls like a true Cybertronian. She didn’t have filtering or egress firewalls like a scout, or security or medical grade ones like Ratchet or Optimus. Having no foundation was causing a bit of a sticking point for her.

And things with Ultra Magnus weren’t getting better. It was like he had some sort of blind spot concerning her abilities. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was a newspark or if he disapproved of how she had come into the world. Her being directly exposed to the Allspark was definitely why Ripcord wanted nothing to do with her.

Ripcord’s bigotry aside, Ultra Magnus was the reason of her current frustration. She and Prowl had been sparring on the training field when the City Commander had showed up to pull the TIC away from the match. When she had tried to protest she had gotten a dismissive look from the mech that had her seething.

And apparently she wasn’t the only one upset. She could feel tell Optimus wasn’t happy, mainly because she couldn’t feel him at all. He had put up a firewall between him and herself when her own frustration became obvious. Ratchet had drifted closer, just in case she needed grounding.

Jazz (when had he even gotten there?) made a suggestion that made both herself and the City Commander glare, “This is getting more than a little bit ridiculous,” the SIC said, “So you know what? We’re gonna do a thing. If Ratchet and Optimus don’t object, for the next few days Ultra, you get to be Ellie’s escort.”

Elize reached out, hoping to find a refusal from the medic at least, she still couldn’t feel anything from Optimus, but Ratchet just sent calm acceptance of the plan and she groaned. She sent Jazz a dark look, and she could tell by the look on his faceplates that Ultra Magnus wasn’t any happier than she was.

“Jazz, with all due respect,” Ultra Magnus said, “As the City Commander I hardly have time-”

“Prowl will cover for you for the time being,” Elize almost levitated when Optimus spoke from behind her. How had she not heard him?

“Optimus,” she said, spinning to face him, “When did you-”

“His title is Prime,” Ultra Magnus snapped, but Optimus raised a servo.

“Ultra Magnus,” he said, “As she was human first and as I am one of her Creators by bond, there is no offense meant by her form of address. You have not spent much time with her, and you did not know Phoenix before her change. Therefore, by my order, you are to be her escort and partner for the foreseeable future.”

Elize looked over at the City Commander and groaned, ignoring the stinging _thwap_ on her spark-signature from both of the Creator-Bonds.


	9. Unlikely Alliances

**Chapter Nine**

**Unlikely Alliances**

The next day was long from the beginning, at least it was for Elize. She started her day with her usual meditation, or it was usual now. When Dr. Hale had recommended it Elle had admitted she had done it everyday before coming to base. Now she returned to doing it every morning to start her day fully grounded and in control of herself. And the act of gazing deep into her processor had brought to light some very interesting things.

She was halfway through her usual hour of meditation when there was a knock on her door. She grumbled, but sent a _ping_ to Ratchet to see if he would let the ‘Bot who was trying to get her attention contact her directly.

To her surprise, he did. She suddenly felt a new spark-signature, this one a cool blue luminescence, and _pinged_ it. The connection was grudging, and she bit back a groan at the clipped tone in the message.

_:_ _I’m here to start your day. I was informed that you have several appointments to keep.:_ Ultra Magnus’a tone was already setting her on edge, and she did her best not to snap back.

_:_ _Not for another couple hours. I’m meditating.:_ she sent back, _“Unless you want to join me, or start this assignment off on the completely wrong pede, you’ll have to wait.:_

She could feel his frustration, but she sent the signal to open the door as she shut the line of communication and turned her processor back inward to find her center again. Her optics were shuttered, and she was venting in a steady cycle. She could feel herself sinking back into the sea of calm again.

Another hour passed before she drew herself back to reality. Her optics brightened to find Ultra Magnus looking down at where she was sitting cross-legged on the berth. She met his gaze as she unfolded herself, sliding to the floor.

“Thank you,” she told him as she ran through a basic set of stretches. She didn’t really need to do them anymore, but it was reflex to stretch after her meditation and before her forms, “Now I need to do my forms, then we can go see Dr. Hale.”

“I was told that your first appointment was with a human,” he said, “What can she do for you that Ratchet cannot?”

She gave him a look, “Are you actually curious, or are you being condesending because she’s a human? I was one once too, you know.”

Ultra Magnus remained silent, and she ex-vented, “Listen,” she said, “Optimus isn’t going to let you out of this until we can at least be civil to one another, so if you have a serious question, then ask. We might as well get to know each other.”

“You are no longer human,” the City Commander said, and she nodded as she came to a standing position before shifting into her beginning stance.

“Yes,” she told him, “That is true.”

“Why do you still need a human doctor?” he did sound curious, and when she looked at him she couldn’t tell if he was being serious. But she decided to answer.

“Dr. Hale is my therapist,” she said as she started her forms, “The change was… jarring, to say the least. And even before that I had some psychological problems I needed help with. So Dr. Hale is helping me to deal with those things. She doesn’t do anything for me physically, but my mental health is a lot better than it used to be.”

He didn’t ask anything more about that, and she wasn’t sure if that was because he understood or because he didn’t and was too proud to admit it.

“A question for a question?” she offered, “If we need to get to know each other anyway, for each answer I give you you give me one?”

Ultra Magnus watched as she moved through her forms, and nodded, “That seems acceptable.”

“How did you first meet Optimus?” she asked, moving through a sharp set of forms, letting her body do the familiar motions while her processor was on the conversation.

Ultra Magnus nodded, “We met after the Decepticon attack on Iacon,” he said, “I was the City Commander there too, and Prime’s soldiers were the ones who drove the ‘Cons from the city. I hadn’t been expecting Prime himself to be leading the charge though.”

She nodded as she brought herself back to another starting stance, “Your turn,” she told him, and he seemed surprised, but asked a question anyway.

“How long have you been practicing this?” he gestured to her forms, “Prowl informed me they are called ‘Martial Arts’?”

And that’s how the day passed. It wasn’t fun, and it was long. But it also wasn’t near as unpleasant as she had thought it would be. She learned that Ultra Magnus and Optimus looked similar because they were of the same Caste before the war. He learned that before she had escaped Sector 7 eight years prior, she had no idea of who she had been. Exchange of information wasn’t easy or smooth, but it was better than spending the whole day in sullen silence.

And it didn’t get anymore uncomfortable as they continued the routine. Between her appointments she went with Magnus to various tasks, even watching him mediate several fights between ‘Bots. His interactions with human were a little more strained, and she couldn’t help but wonder why.

“Do you not like humans?” she asked him one day while they were waiting for Ratchet to get back from an emergency call.

He glanced at her, and she met his optics, “Why do you ask?”

“You don’t seem completely comfortable dealing with them,” she said, “So I wondered.”

He gazed at her a moment, “Humans are confusing to me at times, and I do not wish to offend them by saying something that may be misconstrued.”

She nodded, understanding that completely. His optics became intent when he asked a question in return.

“Are you uncomfortable with humans after your change?”

She started a bit at the question. Up until this point, day three of what she had mentally termed ‘punishment duty’, he had steered clear of questions that even referenced her change. She size him up, letting her pedes swing restlessly beneath the berth as she considered the question.

“Not really,” she said, “I won’t lie and say it doesn’t make me sad sometimes, but nothing that happened to me was something the people on base could control. I won’t say I don’t hate Sector 7 either, but it’s not like I remember anything about what they did so it’s hard to hold a grudge when I don’t remember faces.”

The conversation was cut short as Ratchet entered the med-bay, grumbling under his breath about Jolt doing something stupid. He glanced up at them, optics searching, and Elize shrugged. The medic huffed, going through the rest of his routine checks before nodding.

“I think we can dial back these visits to once a month now,” he said, “Your programming is finally stabilized, and you’ve managed to go for a full two weeks without injuring yourself.”

“You say that like I’m clumsy,” she quipped, and Ratchet gave her a hard look.

She felt the light, affectionate brush against her spark signature, and leaned into it, just a bit. Ratchet seemed to nod. She tilted her helm in question, “You’re spark-signature has finally returned from it’s deviation. If you keep it there for another two weeks, I’ll consider letting you back on the neural network.”

She sat up, her optics wide with excitement, “Really?” she asked, “You mean it?”

“If you behave and stay stable,” Ratchet said, “But if you manage that, yes, I am very serious.”

Elize could feel Ultra Magnus watching her, but she didn’t care as she popped to her pedes with a whoop. She actually hugged the medic before dashing for the door, leaving the ‘Bot shaking his helm in exasperation.

Ultra Magnus turned to Ratchet, “I she always so-” he hesitated, not sure what the best word for the behavior was.

“She’s improving,” Ratchet grunted, “It’s not been the easiest adjustment period. She struggled quite a bit in the beginning.”

Ultra Magnus frowned, but set off after his excited charge. That was something to think about.

\----------------------

“You want to spar?” Elize asked Ultra Magnus, surprised. Up until now he had opposed her sparing with anyone, even with mechs smaller than her (something about Jazz being dangerous. She knew he was, but not to her). She gave him a long considering look, then slowly nodded.

Who was she to deny him something she herself had been wanting to do for sometime? She really did need to work on fighting mechs that were larger than her if she didn’t want a repeat of what had happened with Breakdown. She followed him down the road as the two of them drove to the Cybertronian training grounds.

“I have noticed,” he responded, “That you and the others seem to spar with a certain set of rules?”

“You actually noticed that?” she asked, then caught herself and explained, “We use a ‘point’ system. We spar until one or the other is in a position of defeat, where the other could deal a killing or incapacitating blow, and the winner of the round gets a ‘point’. We usually have a set total number of rounds, say seven, and the match would end with a best four out of seven.”

She could almost feel the hum of acceptance from the truck in front of her, “That seems acceptable,” he said, “I would ask that you not hold back short of damaging me. I wish to test your abilities.”

She could feel a strange sense of anticipation at his words, and the answering question from Ratchet and Optimus. She brushed against each of them in reassurance, almost in reflex. It was becoming easier to accept that she was going to be bound to them for the foreseeable future (Centuries, Ratchet had said. It took _centuries_ for a newspark to mature to the point of the Creator-Bond being able to shut down).

As she and Ultra Magnus rolled onto the training ground, she felt that anticipation again. The warm surge of excitement that she felt before a good match. She was really excited to try out her ‘Thunder Knuckles’ as Wheeljack had called them. Speaking of…

_:Ratchet,:_ she sent out the thought over the bond _, :How should I set my kuckles for a friendly spar? I don’t want to hurt anyone.:_

There was silence for a moment before she received a response, _:Anything below the mid setting will give a warning shock. Why do you ask?:_

She had long learned that lying to the two of them wasn’t possible, _:Ultra Magnus wants to test my skills. I figure_ _d_ _it would be a good time to give the Knuckles a test run too.:_

_:If either of you end up in my med bay-:_

_:Chill, Doc-Bot,:_ she sent back, _:It’s a points match, just like I run with Jazz or Prowl. I won’t send him to your med bay and I have a feeling he really just wants to test me.:_

She could almost hear his huff, and from the other bond there was a spark of interest from Optimus.

_:_ _Something on your processor, Dadbot?:_ she asked as she transformed and started her stretches. They didn’t serve the same purpose now, but there would always be comfort in the familiar.

_:_ _Could you and Ultra Magnus wait for a time?:_ Optimus said, _:I would like to observe your match.:_

_:_ _Sure. How long?:_

_:Just a few clicks. I’ll bring the Major and make it a working break.:_

She shook her helm as she lifted her hands above her head, then bent at the waist to touch the tips of her pedes, “Ultra Magnus, Optimus wants to come and watch us spar. Do you mind waiting a few cliks for him to get here?”

“I do not mind,” Ultra Magnus said, watching her, “What are these exercises you are doing?”

“Oh, these are stretches,” she said as she stood back up, folding one straight arm across her chassis and the other curling up over it in what would have been a shoulder stretch, “Humans do them to loosen up their muscles before a workout so they are less likely to hurt themselves.”

The conversation trailed off as Optimus pulled up and rolled to a stop, popping his driver door to let the Major out. Will grinned up at Elize, who smiled back as the Prime transformed. She glanced up at the leader of the Autobots with a curious expression, “Any particular reason for this, Optimus?” she asked, “You never asked to watch me spar with Jazz or Prowl or ‘Bee.”

“You had mentioned before that one aspect of learning martial arts was to leard how to deal with opponents that outclassed you in size,” Optimus said, “You are taller than Jaxx and Prowl and Bumbleebee are nearly equal to you in height. This is your first match with a mech that is significantly larger than you.”

Elize met his optics, reaching out through the Creator-Bond to try and feel if he was being sincere or not. He wasn’t shielded from her, which was always nice. She had found it pleasant that while she couldn’t lie to them, if they didn’t shield themselves from her they couldn’t lie to her either. Both Optimus and Ratchet had made a point to leave the bond open after she had pointed out that she didn’t like the imbalance.

She felt him reach out too, conveying his sincerity and she nodded, “Alright then. I’m good to go. How about you, Ultra Magnus? Ready to throw hands?”

“They come off!?” Ultra Magnus looked horrified, and Elize couldn’t help it as she dissolved into a fit of helpless giggles. She sometimes forgot that her human phrasing wasn’t understood by all of the ‘Bots, and considering that the three she usually sparred with knew the meaning behind what she said, it was always somewhat delightful to startle one of them.

There was a _thwap_ upside her spark-signature from Ratchet, but it did nothing to stifle her laughter. She could see Will also laughing, and Optimus trying to explain that it was just a saying that humans used when the challenged other humans to a fight.

_:_ _Stop scaring the new arrivals!:_ Ratchet scolded her across the bond, and she tried to stop laughing as she thought back.

_:_ _I didn’t mean to!:_ she said, _:I forgot he probably didn’t know what it meant!:_

There was an exhasperated huff across the bond, and she felt the soft pulse of amusment as she finally managed to stop giggling and face Ultra Magnus.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “Really. I forget sometimes that you might not understand some of my human phrases. ‘Throw hands’ is just a way to refer to a fight or spar. Like throwing punches.”

He nodded, watching her as she straightened up and walked toward the sparring ground. There was a slight change in the way he was looking at her, and for the life of her she couldn;t figure out what she could have done to-

“I’ve never heard you laugh before,” Ultra Magnus said, and she paused in her tracks to look back at him.

That couldn’t be true, right? She was always joking around with Jazz and ‘Bee, and she laughed then. But she supposed, no, it was correct. He hadn’t been around those times. Had she given him the wrong impression somehow? Or maybe since he always made her so tense, he had responded in kind?

She stepped onto the sparring ground, then turned back to look at her opponent as he approached, and there was a definite change in the way he was looking at her as he stepped up across from her.

“Well, why don’t we have this match and see if I can surprise you more?” she asked as she dropped into her stance. He nodded, taking his own battle ready stance as Will Lennox stepped up to announce the beginning of the match and the rules.

\-------------------------

She lost, 3 points to 4. But that didn’t even upset her. Like Jazz and Prowl, Ultra Magnus was much older than her and had a great deal more experience. It had been a lot of fun too, especially after she managed to throw Ultra Magnus over her shoulder in the third match. After he pulled her to her feet at the end of the last match, the City Commander had approached Optimus.

“Prime,” he said, and Optimus regarded the mech with curious optics.

“Yes, Ultra Magnus?” he asked, glancing at Elize, who shrugged.

“I would like to admit I have learned a great deal in the last few days about Phoenix, and her origins. And thanks to this spar I would like to add my recommendation that she be allowed to join us in the battle against the Decepticons.”

Elize was floored, staring at the City Commander with wide optics. Was he serious?

Optimus met the optics of his old friend, lowering the firewalls around her slightly. She wondered what he was doing when to her surprise, she felt Ratchet do the same, allowing her to become aware of Ultra Magnus’s spare signature, a deep blue bio-luminescence, and the sincerity that is was currently radiating from it.

“Is that all?” Optimus asked Ultra, who shook his helm.

“Seeing as I believe she hasn’t been assigned one, I would like to take the position of her combat partner, if you would allow it.”

She felt her own surprise mirrored from both of the Creator-Bonds, and Optimus’s optics searched Ultra Magnus’s faceplates closely.

“I would ask why you would make such a request.”

“I don’t like the idea of sending her into battle anymore than you do, Prime,” the City Commander said, “She’s a newspark. And one that was born in such an unusual way. But we cannot afford to not use such a skilled warrior when they are ready and willing to fight for us. As such I would feel better if I could watch her back when combat does break out. And I will admit that with her skills, I would feel better if she were watching mine.”

Optimus turned his optics toward Elize. She knew this was her decision. She could feel though the bond that she could say no and Oprimus would simply assign her another partner. But still.

She couldn’t say that Ultra Magnus was her first pick, or that there weren’t a dozen others she would have asked for first. The time she had with him as a minder had been the kind of awkward where they both knew there was something keeping them from interacting properly but neither was willing to admit it. And even so, he had asked.

Asked to be her combat partner. He had even done so with her right there, and with his firewalls down so she could know he meant every word. And she could feel her spark swell just a little at that as she looked between him and Optimus. With all that in mind, she vented, the sound just a bit unsteady.

“I-” she paused, then took a deep breath and nodded, “I would be honored,” she finally said, looking at Ultra Magnus, “Thank you.”

His nod of appreciation was answer enough.


	10. Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter of the first installment of Of Hearts and Sparks. The next one might have a bit of a delay, I'm starting a new job soon and will have to make adjustments. Thank you all for sticking with it to the end!

**Chapter 10**

**Complications**

With her place as a fighter accepted, and with a partner to wok with, came a new and different kind of training. As it turned out, after a few stumbling blocks and misunderstandings, it turned out that she and Ultra Magnus had surprisingly compatible fighting styles. He was a skilled fighter who liked heavy hits and she was fast on her pedes and liked to go in for the low, unfair shots that left her opponent vulnerable to his blows.

She could tell, by both their actions and through the Creator-Bond, that Optimus and Ratchet were pleased with her progress. She was even allowed to move around base on her own now. While the freedom was nice, she often found herself picking a mech or femme to spend the day with. It was more pleasant that way.

She was still meeting with Dr. Hale twice a week. She still recharged when she need to (“Every three days at the longest. No more!”). She drank her energon and drove around the base. She went on patrols now, and even just spent days with Sam or Will or Epps, driving them around base as they chatted.

She was feeling much more comfortable, and while she and Ultra Magnus weren’t really friends, she would consider him a great ally. He was even helping with her firewall training. According to him while training with Jazz would be a good idea for the future, but she needed experience first. She gladly accepted the help.

And it was nice, because she was beginning to get restless within the Creator-Bond. It wasn’t that it was small, size didn’t really have relevance in terms of being inside the bond. The Bond was as large as it needed to be for her. The problem was it was so empty. After being able to experience the neural-net, which was full of light and color like she had never seen before. She almost felt lonely in the empty Creator-Bond at times.

Ratchet seemed to be thinking hard about letting her out to explore occasionally. But she could tell he was worried bout her earlier deviation, and it made her internally cringe just to think about pressing him after he had explained the dangers of it. He and Optimus both used guilt like a weapon. It wasn’t fair, Primus damn them.

At the moment she was chilling in her alt-mode outside the hangars, just enjoying the sunlight on her plating. She wondered if she had become part cat when she transformed, cause now she could fully understand why they could lie around in a spot of sunshine for hours.

She felt the gentle nudge of amusement from Optimus, and she shifted on her tires when she realized she needed to meet with Ultra Magnus soon. She had firewall training, and then she and Ultra were going to have a spar with Jazz and Prowl to see how their teamwork was coming along. She pulled away from the curb and set off toward the center Hub. She’d only been inside a handful of times, but it was where Ultra had asked her to meet him today for training.

The Central Command building, which the NEST personnel had nicknamed ‘The Nexus’ due to the sheer number of communications processed within it daily, was a building at the center of the base. While she couldn’t say it was unassuming, all of the buildings that were used by Cybertronians on base were built with technology the Autobots had brought with them and were obviously huge and advanced. But it didn’t appear any different from any of the other matching structures around it. At least, from the outside.

As she pulled into the lift in her alt form, the large door that resembled a normal garage door slid shut behind her and the lift started. Down she went into the bowels of the base, since the majority of the Nexus had been built underground. Optimus had explained that was to protect the sensitive systems in case of an attack. There were other underground bunkers, safety shelters for the human civilians on base, but none of them looked quite like this.

As she transformed to walk down the hall on floor B10, she couldn’t help but look around in awe. She felt like this had be be a scene from a sci-fi movie. There were glowing veins that pulsed along the walls, powering everything from basic doors and terminals to Teletran-1, the Auotbots main computer taken straight from the Arc when it landed.

As she stepped into the room at the end of the corridor, she didn’t fight the sense of wonder that washed over her. It just looked so _cool._ She could feel Optimus’s amusement as she looked around at all the streams of light and blinking little beacons. She ignored that as she stepped up to the main terminal where he was.

“This place is incredible,” she told him, “It still amazes me every time I see it. Why did Ultra ask to meet me here anyway?”

Optimus looked down at her, then back over his shoulder. She followed his gaze, waving as Ultra Magnus walked up beside the Autobot leader. The City Commander inclined his helm at her before turning to the screen.

“Is this where we need to investigate?” he asked, and Elize perked up a bit at the question before turning to look at the screen herself.

“Investigate?” she asked, looking up at the display of a canyon made of red rock.

“Yes,” Optimus said, “I was considering that you, Ultra Magnus, Beachcomber, and myself would go on an energon scouting mission. I had actually considered Jazz and Prowl at first, but Ultra pointed out there was little point in assigning you a partner if we didn’t allow you to take on missions afterward.”

He spark-signature must have lit up like a Christmas tree, because she could feel the amusement from both him and Ratchet in response to her excitement. She felt an edge of warning from the medic, and sent a wave of reassurance back. She was almost vibrating in anticipation.

Optimus smiled at her, and she felt his spark-signature gently brush up against hers and she cycled through her vents to calm down before turning to look up at him.

“When are we setting out?” she asked, trying to hide her excitement behind a serious expression.

“Later today,” Ultra Magnus said, “We just needed to make sure you were prepared for your first mission. Three hours, Prime?”

“Three hours,” Optimus confirmed, “It shouldn’t take more than a day at most.”

She nodded, “Right,” she said, “Are we meeting in the groudbridge room?”

Optimus nodded, “Go meet with Ratchet for a pre-mission check then report to the Groundbridge hangar. Ultra Magnus, Elize, dismissed.”

\--------------------------

The formation as they rolled through the protal was simple, Optimus took point, with Elize second, followed by Beachcomber and then Ultra. The plan was simple, they would split into pairs and stay withing range of each other while scanning for energon deposits. Naturally Elize and Ultra were one pair and Optimus would go with Beachcomber.

They paused just long enough to lock in their communication lines, then they set out. Elize pulled up alongside Ultra Magnus as they both scanned, her for energon and him for hostiles. She was focused on the task at hand, she didn’t want to screw up her first real mission, and Ultra Magnus seemed content to let her stay that way. Thus they drove in companionable silence through the canyon.

That was until Ultra Magnus stopped suddenly, and she slammed on her brakes to glance back, “Something wrong?” she asked him, seeing how tense he was.

“Something appeared on my scanners for a moment,” her partner said, “I’m not sure what it was. It was just for an instant.”

“Has Optimus senses anything on his and Beachcomber’s end?” she asked as she backed up slowly until she was level with the truck.

She watched his lights dim as he sent a message to Optimus. Apparently that momentary distraction was what whoever the scanners had glimpsed was waiting for. Her own scanners, which she had opened when he said he wasn’t sure what he’d seen, gave her just enough warning to transform and slam all her weight against her partners alt. The force of her blow sent the two of them rolling as what had to be some kind of explosive blew up the spot they had only just occupied.

Phoenix rolled to her pedes as Ultra’s alt came to a stop on his roof, and she placed herself between where she thought the attack had come from and her partner. She intended to simply buy him time to get transformed and get his own pedes under him before the enemy, whoever it might be, got past her.

The mech that stepped out was almost her size, and all black. He had both a battle mast and a visor, and something about him just put her on edge. She reached out toward Optimus with the image and felt the Creator-Bond slam down so hard and fast it nearly left her dizzy.

_:_ _Optimus?:_ she asked, crouching low in a battle stance, _:I take it this one is bad news?:_

_:_ _That’s Soundwave,:_ Optimus’s mental tone was tight, _:He’s the Decepticon SIC, and the best mech at both communications and infiltration. Do now let your guard down. You need to get away if you can.:_

_:What about Untra Magnus?:_

_:I can’t seem to get in contact with him. Soundwave likely forced him into recharge, as I can still feel his spark signature.:_

_:Then I hold my ground here,:_ Phoenix brought her servos up in a battle stance _,_ _:He’s my partner and I’m not leaving him here.:_

She could feel Optimus’s frustration, but he didn’t object, _:Beachcomber and I are on our way. Just last until we get there.:_

_:Acknowledged,:_ through the entire conversation she hadn’t dared to take her eyes off her opponent, and that was why she managed to react quickly when the large cybertrtonian (was that a cat?) darted out from behind the mech and leaped at her. She slammed it back with a palm strike, refusing to give ground or try to take it. She couldn’t get too far away from her recharging partner.

The cat crashed into the canyon wall with a clatter, and Soundwave stepped closer to her at the sound. She snarled, taking a half step back before flashing out a blow toward his faceplates. He stepped back again, watching her carefully, or at least she thought he was. She couldn’t see his optic because of his visor.

“Demand: Surrender,” Phoenix had to admit that the extremely robotic vocalizer tone caught her off guard. She’d never heard any cybertronian sound like that.

“Not on your life,” she said, “Come any closer and I’ll make you regret it.”

The ‘Con ignored her, naturally, and rushed her. She took another half-step back, this time bring her leg up and around in a high kick that would catch him right in the visor.

And catch his visor it did, though not quite in the way she had hoped. He managed to stop his charge and jerk back just in time, but the kick still caught the edge of his visor, sending the attachment flying off to crash against the canyon wall. Soundwave reeled back from her and suddenly everything changed.

For a moment, Phoenix thought Optimus had dropped the ball. Because she could suddenly and entirely see a new luminescence. It was a deep blue that had a nearly opalescent look to it. At the same moment she realized it was the only spark-signature other than Optimus’s she could see so she had to still be in the Creator-bond, right.

She dropped back into her stance, optics rising to meet the now exposed optics of her opponent. Soundwave had frozen where he had stopped, and as their optics met, everything shifted.

It wasn’t a sparkbond, because it felt noting like they had been described to her. There was no sudden explosion that felt like the birth of a new world, as Hoist had told her it felt when he spark-bonded to Grapple. This was something different. It was more akin to the feeling of having regained a piece of herself she didn’t even realize was missing in the first place. And for a moment that was accompanied by a feeling of absolute wonder and astonishment.

Then those feelings changed into pure panic, and Soundwave broke his gaze to stumble back from her in shock. Then, with no explanation at all, he transformed, his alt appeared to be some sort of tactical van, and raced off with the cat she had hit earlier running after him.

Phoenix stood there for a long moment before remembering his visor. Thinking it had to have something to do with his sudden change in behavior, she hurried over to where it had flown, scooping it up and placing it into her subspace as soon as she found it.

She had some investigating to do.

\-------------------------------

The first thing she did when they got back to base was go looking fro Jazz. She needed to talk to someone she trusted unconditionally about the visor. Once she got everything about the visor cleared up, then she would talk about what else had happened in that encounter.

She kept herself keenly aware of both Ratchet and Optimus, but from what she could sense neither of them was aware of any changes to her spark-signature. Knowing them, that made her believe that they didn’t know that anything other than a small skirmish had happened between her and Soundwave.

She knocked on the door to the quarters Prowl and Jazz shared, and it took only a moment for the door to swish open. Jazz grinned at her from the doorway, and something in her eased just a bit at the familiar expression.

“Ellie,” he said, “Heard you had an exciting first mission. You don’t have to report to me though, Optimus was with you.”

“I know,” she said, “But I-” she glanced around, then, “Can we talk in private?”

Jazz gazed her her a moment, then nodded as his expression turned serious. He stepped to the side and gestured for her to enter. She did, stopping in the center of the room to shift from pede to pede as she retrieved the visor from her subspace.

“What do you have there, Ellie?” Jazz asked, holding out his servo. She handed it to him, almost reluctant to do so.

“Soundwave’s visor,” she said, “I tried to kick him in the faceplates, but he dodged. All I managed to do was knock this off. But when I did he started… he started acting strange.”

“Strange how?” Jazz asked, running a few scans over the visor with a frown. It was markedly different from his own, and he didn’t like some of the readings he was getting back.

“He started to back away from me,” she said, “Not like he was afraid, but more like he didn’t want to fight anymore. And then he transformed and tore off like he was on fire.”

Jazz nodded, “I was worried you’d say that. I’ll have to take this to Wheeljack. I need him to run some deeper scans than my systems are capable of, and I think Ratchet needs to see this too.”

“So it is that bad?” she asked, and Jazz looked at her sharply.

“Yes,” he said, “If it’s what I think it is, it’s bad. But why do you think it’s bad?”

“He did a complete change in the seconds after I kicked it off,” she said, “I would think that is not a good sign.”

Jazz clearly didn’t believe her, but he didn’t press. Instead he opened the door and gesutred her out, then left himself to take care of his new tasks.

\--------------------------

Ratchet scowled as he looked over the readings that Wheeljack had brought him, and then at the visor those readings had been collected from. Jazz had delivered the visor to Wheeljack saying that it had been Soundwave’s, and that Phoenix had collected it after it was knocked off in their fight. When Wheeljack had asked why it mattered, Jazz had explained he’d run a few surface scans on it, and they had given some concerning readings.

‘Concerning’ was putting it mildly. After Wheeljack had done one in depth scan he had contacted Ratchet immediately in a panic. The medic had hoped his Linked was just blowing it a bit out of proportion, but no, the engineer wasn’t.

Dozens, hundreds of highly dangerous and invasive behavior and processor control programs and viruses had been encoded into the visor. There was no telling how much damage they had already done to Soundwave’s processor. The blow that had dislodged the accessory had likely only been a temporary reprieve. There was no way that Megatron would let the mech remain free if he had already gone to such lengths to keep him under control.

And to top it all off, there was definitely something Elize wasn’t telling Ratchet or Optimus. Jazz seemed to have an idea about what it could possibly be, but he wasn’t saying anything either. Said he would get it out of her and let them know what he could. Ratchet hoped that he would do so sooner rather than later.

\-----------------------------

He was Linked.

Soundwave had a _Link._

All of his memories from the last several Vorns were clouded by all of the viruses that the visor has been feeding into his system to keep him a loyal and subservient Decepticon. The visor that had been a gift from a mech he had believed to be his friend.

But it seemed Megatron had known he would never have chosen this path on his own, and had been unwilling to waste Soundwave’s talents. Or perhaps he had simply feared that the Autobots would have taken Soundwave to their side. Not that it mattered in the end.

When he had returned from the failed mission, spark singing with a newly formed Link and visor missing, Megatron hadn’t hesitated to replace the visor. But from what he could tell, whether it was from the fact he was expecting it or because the Link was protecting his sense of self, the built in virus’s were no longer effective.

He couldn’t let Megatron find out. If the Warlord became aware that Soundwave was no longer under his control due to a Link-

Soundwave didn’t even want to consider what would happen to the fierce, gorgeous femme that he was Linked to if that happened. He couldn’t help trying to reach out across the Link. To reassure her he was fine when he felt her worry.

He had to fix this soon. Such a new Link needed more time to develop, and if they were separated too long, the Link would become strained, and could lead to problems for them both. And as he felt a weak ache bloom in his spark he knew they were already running out of time. 


	11. Sparkache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the end for Of Hearts and Sparks! Thank you to all the readers who stayed with me until the end. The next story installment may be a bit late, between a new job and holidays coming up. Even so, the story will continue in the next installment!

**Chapter 11**

**Sparkache**

Elize now understood, at least partially, how looking at a struggling spark-signature could be worrying. Ever since her encounter with Soundwave she was constantly aware of his spark-signature at the edge of her processor. She knew what had been found on the visor, Ratchet had told her because he had run a scan to make sure none of the viruses on the visor had affected her.

They hadn’t, but a few days after, while the others had been planning a rescue mission to get Soundwave to Diego Garcia before Megatron put more viruses in his system, the pain had started.

It had been barely an ache at first. Just a low key awareness of discomfort deep in her spark. But as the days began to turn to weeks, the ache expanded. She knew it had to have something to do with Soundwave, there wasn’t another explanation that made sense. But everyone was already making the needed plans for the rescue, and the last thing they needed was a distraction.

Jazz seemed aware that something was very wrong, and kept dropping hints like ‘I’m here to listen whenever’. She knew she needed to tell someone, but something was holding her back. She was worried that if she told, word would get back to Megatron, and she could tell from the fear that idea spawned from Soundwave that him knowing was the worst possible outcome.

So she held the truth of what had happened that day in the canyon back even as the ache in her spark persisted. She could work through it anyway. She just had to avoid stressing herself out over it. Her little guest helped with that a bit.

The Casseticon, as Optimus had called Soundwave’s smaller helpers, had showed up in her quarters nearly a week ago. He had introduced himself as Frenzy in the cutest little stutter when he had arrived. Had told her Soundwave had sent him to keep her safe.

He spent most of his time in her quarters, but she did like having him close. It eased the ache a little bit to be close to the Cassette.

Keeping secrets was a bad idea and she knew that. But she couldn’t bring herself to risk Soundwave’s safety. And as the rescue was already coming together, no matter how slow that seemed to be, she didn’t see the point in saying anything at all.

Turned out that she didn’t have to say anything at all in the end. What revealed her situation was a classic case of the worst timing.

She was on her way back to her quarters to recharge when she ran into Jazz who appeared to be waiting for her. He was leaned on the wall next her door, and for an irrational moment she was terrified Frenzy had been found. But as he grinned at her, she managed to relax.

“What’s up Jazz?” she asked as she stepped up beside him. Even as she spoke, she could feel a sudden surge of something from Soundwave. It was a tangles mess of emotions, fear, anger, desperation, and the pain in her spark surged with it.

“Ellie?” Elize shuttered her optics for a moment, realizing that Jazz was speaking to her, “You feeling alright?”

“I’m fine,” the lie come as an instant response even as she got a sense of ‘struggle’ from Soundwave. She fought the urge to frown as she felt her way lightly down the bond. She needed to be sure he was okay.

She heard Jazz ask another question, but didn’t even get a chance to to ask him to repeat himself when the surging emotions turned into a spike of raw pain. She let out a sharp vent as she wavered on her pedes, Jazz suddenly there and lowering her to sit with her back to the wall. She could distantly feel Ratchet reaching out to her in worry, and Optimus was there too. She ignored them as she tried to reach out for Soundwave again, but the bond had fallen silent.

She felt herself beginning to panic, reaching out across the bond for any sort of response. Someone was calling, and as she came back to herself, she found herself staring straight into Ratchet’s concerned optics.

“Ratchet?” she managed to ask.

“Elize,” he said, “What happened? My scans are indicating a high amount of stress on your spark.”

“It hurts,” she said, not willing to say anything about Soundwave just yet.

“Your spark hurts?” Ratchet asked, and she nodded. She saw him frown, then felt the scans running over her again. She let her helm drop back to rest against the wall. There was the feeling of Ratchet’s spark-signature examining her own. The sharp pain had subsided, leaving a far more intense ache than before in its wake.

“Can you make it to the med bay?” Ratchet was asking her when she managed to focus on him again. She ran a diagnostic and frowned.

“My frame seems fine,” she said, “I suppose I can try.”

“Do you feel steady on your pedes?” Jazz asked her as she took Ratchet’s offered servo. She gave him what must have been a weak smile, considering the frown she got in return.

“We’ll find out, won’t we?” she said, letting the medic pull her up from the floor. She swayed a moment on her pedes, but managed to get her balance eventually. She felt Jazz step up to her side, slinging her arm over his shoulders and his arm around her waist. She didn’t object, happy to lean into the support, “Stronger than you look.”

She flinched at the look she got from the saboteur, “Don’t start with me Ellie,” he said, “We’re going to talk about this as soon as we get you settled in the med bay.”

She let out a soft vent, then nodded. As he turned to lead her to the med bay, she made a snap decision.

“Wait,” she said, “Just- just a moment. I’ll explain everything, but I need to have someone with me,” she told them.

Ratchet and Jazz glanced at each other, and Ratchet nodded, “Alright. Tell me who and I’ll-”

She pulled away from Jazz and walked slowly toward her own door. She opened it with a thought, then knelt and help=d a servo out to the dark room, “Frenzy?” she called, “Frenzy, something is wrong, isn’t it?”

The tiny mech suddenly launched from the darkness of her quarters, scrambling up her arm toward her shoulder, his stutter more pronounced than before. She reached up with the opposite servo to cover him when she heard Ratchet curse and Jazz deploy his cannons.

“Frenzy?” she asked again, ignoring the sharp spike of fear from Ratchet’s spark-signature, and now the same from Optimus. The Cassette pressed against her, shaking.

“S-s-s-s Sound-dwave-” the Cassette managed to stutter out, and she frowned, not wanting to interrupt, “Soundwave in d-d-d-danger.”

Elize’s spark dropped.

\----------------------------

Her quarters felt entirely too small now. She was sitting on the berth, Frenzy cradled in her servos. Optimus, Ratchet, Jazz and Prowl were all arrayed around the room, looking at the two as Frenzy watched them suspiciously.

“You’re Linked,” Jazz said finally, running a hand down his faceplates, “You’re Linked. To Soundwave. Whom you haven’t seen since meeting him once in the heat of battle and knocking off the visor that was controlling him. And you didn’t think it was odd that you could still sense him from this distance, or that it was making your spark hurt?”

She shook her helm, “It wasn’t that,” she said, “Frenzy told me about the Link when he got here, said Soundwave sent him to keep me safe.”

“Safe?” Ratchet snorted, “We aren’t a danger to you!”

“I know that,” she said, “He’s not here to protect me from you. Soundwave, he-” she looked up at them, “He was worried what would happen if Megatron found out.”

That made them pause, and she took the opening to rush on, “We didn’t communicate much. And not through the Link. Frenzy told me when he got here, so it might be better to ask him for the details. But-”

“But now Soundwave has likely been found out. Considering what you experienced from his side, Megatron must know about the Link.”

“We need to move up the time table,” Prowl said, “And not just to get Soundwave out. This is clearly Link deprivation.”

“Link deprivation?” Elize asked, and Prowl nodded.

“The pain in your spark is due to the fact that the Link is very new, and already strained,” Ratchet said, “Most likely you’ve also been recharging more often. Though Frenzy’s presence seems to help. Likely because he’s one of Soundwave’s Cassettes. Your spark is accepting him as a stand in to reduce stress on itself.”

Jazz nodded, “It would be better if you went into stasis for a bit,” he said, “But that would only work for you. It’s likely your Link is all that’s keeping Soundwave sane considering what Megatron has done to his processor. What do you think, Ratchet?”

“You’re right,” Ratchet said, “There are ways to lift the strain on this end of the Link, but Elize is most likely carrying the worst of the strain and unconsciously giving him any energy she could spare, which is in turn interfering with the viruses in his system. Even so-”

“I’m not going into stasis,” she said, “If this- if me dealing with this is helping then I’ll deal with it. Just- please,” she looked up to meet Optimus’s optics, “Please. You have to save him.”

Optimus met her gaze evenly, and she could feel Ratchet regarding her physically as well as in the bond.

“We will do everything in our power,” he told her, and she felt her shoulders relax, “I promise you this, Elize.”

“Thank you, Optimus Prime,” she told him quietly, feeling his servo come to rest on the top of her helm, “I know you will.”

It was time to do everything she could too.

\-------------------------------

Soundwave lay on the floor of the hangar, unable to do anything else due to the stasis cuffs keeping him still. His Cassettes had managed to get clear of the ship before his capture, and should be on their way to meet with Frenzy at the Autobot base.

The sound of footsteps reached Soundwave’s audios, and he unshuttered his optics, refusing to show weakness in the face of his captor even as he tightened his grip on his firewalls.

The pedes came to a stop in front of him, And Soundwave turned his optics up as high as he could, leaving him staring at the bottom of Megatron’s chestplates.

“Have you thought about my offer?” the leader of the Decepticons asked, and Soundwave narrowed his optics.

“Frag off, you son of a glitch,’ he bit out, still marveling at the amount of snark his chosen accent could convey in so few words.

The kick was swift and sharp, and Soundwave grunted as he slid across the floor of the hangar from the force of it.

“One way or another you will return to my service, Soundwave,” the warlord growled, “Now tell me who it is that is keeping that from occurring.”

“Like I would tell a bloody psychopath,” Soundwave said, and the next kick sent him sliding further than the first. As Soundwave re-oriented himself, he could see the warlord walking away.

“I shall come again soon, Soundwave,” Megatron said, “Next time, you will tell me.”

“Not on your life,” Soundwave muttered, wishing he could shift to a more comfortable position. Even as he thought that, he felt a touch on his spark and internally flinched. He had been too distracted to keep the Link closed.

_\--Stay Strong.--_ the voice was warm, and the touch gentle, -- _We’re coming to rescue you soon. I promise.--_

And Soundwave couldn’t hide the mingled feelings of relief and fear those words gave him.


End file.
